


Criminal

by Kristinabird



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Angry Neville, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Break Up, Chef Draco Malfoy, Getting Back Together, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Infidelity, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Pansy Parkinson is a Good Friend, Post-War, Rimming, Self-Esteem Issues, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-11-05 10:51:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17917361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kristinabird/pseuds/Kristinabird
Summary: After the war, Draco Malfoy found himself adrift. Pardoned by the ministry and hated by the wizarding public, Draco somehow found himself in a relationship of sorts with Harry Potter. Draco believes he doesn't deserve this, and it's only a matter of time before Harry figures that out. When Draco makes a big mistake and ruins his relationship, it’s up to him to put his life together and be the hero of his own story.





	1. Terror Made Me Cruel

**Author's Note:**

> This is a song fic based on Criminal by Fiona Apple. It grew into something way bigger than I expected. For that you can thank my brilliant Alpha [Andithiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andithiel/pseuds/Andithiel) and my amazing friend [Spooky Woods](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookywoods)
> 
>  
> 
> This will not be abandoned! I am one chapter away from the ending and I promise a new chapter will be published every Sunday until the story is complete :)

The music was too loud, the liquor was overpriced and the company was miserable. He hated these outings; really outings of any kind. He was reminded every time he left the house that if he stubbornly insisted on existing that he should do it somewhere where his presence wouldn’t be a burden to his fellow wizards. A short trip to the shops resulted in cold stares, snide comments, and shopkeepers refusing to serve him. Occasionally people threw things. Once a woman walked right up to him in the street and slapped him.

It had been 5 years since he was acquitted and people were no less angry at him now than they were the day he walked out of the Ministry a free man. After his trial, he’d had to adjust the Manor’s wards to refuse all incoming owls to stop the howlers. For most people, this would be an inconvenience, but since there was really nobody left that would want to send he and his mother mail anyway, it didn’t much matter. Now for the most part he tried to avoid all wizarding communities. This wasn’t foolproof given the amount of wizarding youth living in muggle London, but it was something. 

Luckily, even after almost 8 months nobody had yet caught wind that Draco was in a relationship of sorts with Harry Potter. They weren’t exactly hiding it per se, just being highly discreet. After 5 years, most of the Pottermania had died down,partly due to the fact that Harry rarely did anything interesting these days. But if they caught wind that Harry Potter was seeing Draco Malfoy, he wondered if the world would ever get over it. He suspected there’d be lynch mobs forming in the street. Imagine, their precious Chosen One degrading himself by choosing to be with the likes of him. 

To be fair, most of the time Draco couldn’t believe it either. He felt in awe every day that beautiful man looked at _him_ and saw something he wanted, that he had done so for nearly a year without growing tired of him. 

Harry had gone to hell and back and somehow had come out the other end able to laugh. One afternoon they had been out flying together, there was a light drizzle, and when Harry attempted a Wronski Feint, he slid off his broom and into a mud puddle. Draco rushed over to help only to find Potter laughing. He had asked him then how he did it, how he could still laugh so easily. 

Harry stopped, looked him in the eye and said, “Because in the end we won, we are surrounded by love and we live in the world we fought for. If I crumbled, I would dishonour the people that died to get us here.” 

In that moment Draco could see again the man from those days after the battle, the leader, the hero. 

And then Harry laughed and said, “Besides some things are just funny”. He flung some mud into Draco’s white blond hair and before he could even register his shock, Potter was back on his broom, flying towards the trees.

Alone with Harry were the only times he actually believed he was allowed to be happy. The rest of the world was certainly quick to remind him that the happiness won by the war didn’t belong to people like him. But they were right, weren’t they? And yet here he was, dragged along and sweating in the middle of a hot, overpacked muggle club with Harry’s friends. They of course knew and only the knowledge that they would never do anything to hurt Harry made him feel relatively safe when he was forced to accompany Harry on these outings.

He was sitting alone in a crowd of people and yet he still felt like all of their eyes were on him, the Death Eater, the coward, the criminal amongst them. They would never say anything to his face, but his presence made them uncomfortable. Harry insisted he needed to give it time, that he needed to put in a better effort, but honestly, what was he meant to say? “Sorry I tried to have most of you tortured and killed, thanks for tolerating me on this little outing because your best friend said you had to be nice to me.” He supposed they tried as best they could, but the results were always cringeworthy at best on both sides.

“Oi Malfoy! You look hot! Why don’t you roll up your sleeves?” shouted Finnigan from across the table smiling. “Oh...that’s right. Nevermind!” and quickly turned back to Hannah.

He had to get out of here. He looked over at Harry, who was in the midst of what appeared to be a wildly entertaining conversation with Lee and Neville. Draco couldn’t take him away from all these people while he was so happy. 

Fuck it. 

Harry wouldn’t notice if he was gone anyway. He was going for a smoke. Draco stepped outside into the cool night air and took a deep breath. He leaned his head back against the wall and rolled up his sleeves, releasing his forearms from their sartorial prison. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette, desperate for the soothing buzz of nicotine. He fished out his lighter and flicked it. Again. And again. And again.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” he mumbled as he hunched over, cigarette between his lips, hands shaking and flicking the goddamn thing till he finally chucked it into the street. He collapsed back against the wall dejectedly. 

“Need a hand there mate?” Draco looked up into playful grey-blue eyes. 

“Yeah, thanks.” He lit Draco’s cigarette and then his own. 

“No problem. It’s a fucking lot in there,” said the man as he leaned against the wall beside Draco. 

“Tell me about it.” Draco exhaled, watching the white tendrils curl up toward the street lamp. He took another soothing lungful and closed his eyes. 

“B.J.” 

Draco coughed out a puff of smoke and turned. 

“That’s my name. Benjamin Jackson. But my friends call me B.J.”

Draco snorted.

“Oh you think that’s bad do you? My middle name is Jackson, my last name is Allman. My parents named me B.J. All Man, and then they had the gall to be surprised when I told them I was gay,” he smiled. 

Draco laughed and held out his hand. “Draco Abraxas Malfoy”

“Oh you’re one to judge!” B.J. laughed, “ Draco huh? That’s a new one. Besides, your initials spell DAM.”

Draco chuckled and took another inhale. “Yeah, well I feel damned most of the time.” 

This man must be a muggle then. How nice, he thought, blowing smoke into the crisp night air. Oh the irony that now, only among muggles, was he truly free.

“So you come here often?” B.J. grinned.

“That’s the best you’ve got?” Draco raised an eyebrow.

“I believe in the classics.”

Draco turned his head, “No, got dragged here. You?”

“Meh. Sometimes, frankly, I’m a little over the whole scene in there.”

“Me too.” Draco took a long, calming drag.

“Is that so?” B.J. raised an eyebrow. “Well to quote another classic, how ‘bout you and I get out of here? And by out of here I mean into that alley and see if we can keep each other entertained for a few?”

Draco’s mouth went dry. He stared at the man and exhaled. He was fit, tall, slender but well-muscled. He had a stubbled chin that gave the air of a man who was carefree and didn’t make plans. His eyes were bright and his mouth was curved in a mischievous smile. He looked at Draco and he didn’t see the liar, the arrogant racist child he had been, the attempted murderer, the prison sentence he had narrowly avoided. He saw a cute 20-something blond with a nice arse. Something he could never be to those people inside. 

Inside...Harry...Stupid Harry who was too good for his own good. That beautiful man who thought that the world could change because he wanted it to. Who thought that he could wash Draco clean and that somehow he’d be worthy. He’d figure it out soon enough and then where would Draco be? Alone in his cold Manor. A prison of his entire life’s making. And when that day came, he wouldn’t even have the memory of this one person that wanted him like he was any other bloke standing outside a club. Who didn’t flinch at the name Malfoy. Besides, even if Harry knew, would he really even care? He might be a little upset, sure, but what was Draco in the end to him really, when he could pick anyone he wanted?

Still... 

He dropped his cigarette, snuffed it out and smiled. “Maybe another time yeah?” 

“I got a couple mates in from out of town for the next couple weeks. Should be here next week if you change your mind.” B.J. winked, took another drag and leaned back.

 

\------------

 

Draco re-entered the club, rolling down his sleeves as he walked back towards the rest of the group. Harry was now occupied holding up what seemed to be a heavily intoxicated, rambling Parvati Patil and looking rather amused and sheepish. Great. Draco sank back down and stared at his drink. He tossed it back and wished just for a moment that he could belong here. Greg never went anywhere anymore, not since...he shook his head. Blaise was always flitting in and out of the country, not a care in the world. He still saw Pans regularly but two people in a club does not a party make. 

Someone startled him out of his reverie by plopping down next to him and leaning back against the plush seat. “Oh hi,” said a highly relaxed Lovegood. 

“Hi.”

“Whatcha doin’?” she sighed contentedly as she rolled her head over to look at him.

“Drinking my drink, what are you doing?”

“I’m enjoying an evening with my friends.” She smiled. “Harry looks like he could use a hand.” She chuckled.

“Yes, well, Harry saved the world. I think he can handle a drunk girl.”

“Hmm...maybe.” Her eyes began to close and she hummed to herself.

At that moment, Harry looked up and caught Draco’s eye. He smiled, turned to Lee and gestured for him to take his place. He walked over to Draco and said, “Hey, you ‘bout ready to go?”

Draco gave a barely convincing smile in return. “Whenever you are.” 

“I think this lot have just about had it for the evening.” Harry turned and looked at Luna. “Is someone getting you home tonight?”

“Padma’s in charge of Parvati and I tonight. Night boys. Thanks for taking care of me. I’m lucky to have such wonderful friends.” 

She squeezed Draco’s hand. Harry smiled and patted her head fondly. He put his arm around Draco’s waist and smiled that impossibly bright smile again. “Shall we?”

They walked outside and headed in the direction of Harry’s flat. Harry leaned in to kiss him and abruptly pulled away “Ugh...You know I hate it when you smoke!”

“Sorry, it was just a bit hot in there. I needed a break.” Draco grinned, ”But I’ll tell you what, if you hate the smell so much, when we get back to your flat, we can hop in the shower and you can scrub me clean.”

Harry laughed, “You’d better not be toying with me, Malfoy.” He whipped him down an alley, pulled him close and Apparated them home.

 

\------------

 

The following week passed as every week before it had. Draco went to work in the lower levels of Gringotts, handling people’s boring accounts and finances but grateful to be out of the public eye. Harry went to work training auror cadets and came home with various bruises from sparring practice, entertaining tales of who fucked up on the practise course by failing to anticipate that the cat in the corner was an Animagus, and an endless stream of gossip about the sordid lives of various coworkers. Then they ordered take away and watched crap telly. 

Draco had to hand it to the muggles. There was something deeply satisfying at the end of the day to just turn your brain off and watch other peoples’ lives fly past. He especially liked that blond man who shouted at people and called them morons for not being able to accomplish the basic task of chopping, measuring and heating ingredients to the proper temperature. 

“It’s not that hard!” he’d shout at the bloody thing, and Potter would smirk and dig into his curry.  
He liked this. Here in Potter’s flat he felt safe. It was more of a home than anywhere else had been in a long time. He didn’t know what he was going to do when the day inevitably came that he no longer had it to come home to. But for now, there was curry, and telly, and the scent of Potter’s stupid jumpers as he snuggled against him on the sofa.

“So the kids want to go round to the club again on Saturday. Guess Lee’s finally landed himself that WWN Quidditch-casting gig and they all want to celebrate.” Draco cringed internally. “And I was thinking it might be nice for us to go out and grab a bite together before we meet up with them. I thought I could take you someplace nice.” 

Draco closed his eyes and fought back the panic at the idea of having to go out again this weekend. Not only that, but to go to a proper restaurant and risk some zealous reporter snapping a photo and plastering it all over _The Prophet_ for people to judge. Was Potter mad? Why couldn’t he leave well enough alone. The more they went out, the sooner Potter would realise he couldn’t possibly keep Draco, and that would be the end of it. Draco sighed; there was no use fighting it. 

“Sure,” he said, and smiled that little smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Whatever you’d like, Harry.” 

Harry, the idiot, looked delighted. “Great! I’ll make us some reservations! I’m stuffed, do you want any more of this?”

Draco shook his head no, and Harry set the carton on the coffee table. He leaned back and gestured for Draco to rest his head in his lap. Draco complied, and Harry did that thing Draco loved where he ran his fingers through Draco’s hair. Usually, it made him feel sleepy and relaxed, but tonight all it did was fill him with dread. Someday, he was going to lose this. He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, trying desperately not to cry. 

 

\------------

Draco arrived to meet Harry on Saturday in a pair of his best dark blue denims and a soft, thin, sapphire blue v-neck jumper. When Harry opened the door, he smiled, pulled him in, and kissed him. God, Draco thought he would never get tired of the taste of Harry’s mouth. It was tea and biscuits and those little mints he always liked to suck on. He was hungry for the little noises Harry made when he grabbed Draco’s waist to pull him closer. Draco could die here. He wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck and began to devour him, pressing himself against Potter as tightly as he could, until he felt hands slide to the front of his hips and push him back gently.

“Hey there stranger,” Harry beamed at him. “God, you look gorgeous tonight,” he said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Draco’s ear and planting a gentle kiss on his lips. “We better get going; we don’t want to be late for our reservation.”

Draco nodded, taking a moment to look Harry over. Gone were the days of ratty, oversized hand-me-downs and general unkemptness. This Harry looked stunning in denims that fit like they were made for him and an emerald green button-down that made his eyes practically glow. It was unbuttoned a bit at the top, the sleeves rolled up, showing off his tanned muscular forearms. His hair was still a bit wild, but with a windswept roguish charm that practically begged Draco to pin him up against the nearest surface and run his fingers through it. 

Harry swept them out of the flat and led them to a posh italian place not far away. He gave his name, and as they waited for their table he suddenly looked nervous. “I hope this is ok...er…I mean, I didn’t exactly ask what sort of place you felt like going to, and I read some good things about this one and...you know...it seemed nice and I thought…”

“Shhhhh,” Draco smiled, “You’re rambling like an idiot.” 

Harry smiled back and took Draco’s hand. “Yeah, well, it’s just we never really do anything like this so I wanted it to be nice.”

Draco’s heart broke a little. God, how he wanted to keep this. He wanted to reach out and grab Potter and shout, “I’m keeping you! This is mine! This is the one thing I can have! I want it and I’m not letting go no matter what anyone says!” But he’d never do that. He’d never saddle Harry permanently to him and drag him down for the rest of his life. So he just smiled and said, “I love italian. Thank you.”

Harry’s face lit up and he was about to speak when they were interrupted.

“Potter! Table for two! Right this way please.” They were led to an intimate little table and handed their menus and a wine list. 

Harry looked adorably helpless as he glanced over the wine selection, so Draco smiled and ordered wine and appetisers for them.

The wine came and Harry began to relax as they discussed the upcoming match between the Harpies and the Tornadoes and bickered amiably about the new recruits. When their appetiser arrived, a pan seared scallop with crispy pancetta and a green pea purée, Harry looked down and smiled, “Hey, these are those things your favorite chef guy is always yelling about cooking properly!”

“Look at you,” Draco winked. “It seems you aren’t a total heathen after all, and here I thought you weren’t paying attention.”

“I’m always paying attention to you…”

Draco blushed furiously, “Yes well, anyway. I thought you might like to try them.”

Their courses came and went and Draco became pleasantly lightheaded from the wine, especially when he felt Potter’s ankle brush his under the table. It was like he was living someone else’s life and he could pretend for right now that it could go on like this forever. 

As they were finishing up their tiramisu, Harry grinned and excused himself to go to the men’s. When he stood, suddenly there was a shout from behind Draco. 

“Harry! Is that you?”

Harry looked up abruptly, “Anthony?”

“It _is_ you!” Anthony Goldstein said as he approached, pulling Harry in for a firm hug and smiling mischievously, “My...the years since the war have been good to you. I haven’t seen you in ages...Are you living in London?”

“Yeah, I live just a few blocks away actually,” Harry said, looking a little flustered by the sudden whirlwind of attention.

“Really? Me too…” He put hand on Harry’s arm and said, “I’m surprised I haven’t seen you around before. We should get together sometime. When are you free? We could do tomorrow for brunch if you like. I also know a really great Thai place, we could go out to dinner next Friday. Do you like Thai?” He began to brush his thumb back and forth on Harry’s bicep.

“Yeah I do.. It’s just that…”

“No excuses. It’s been far too long. I always wanted to get to know you better back in school but the timing wasn’t right, what with the war and having to train _ourselves_ to fight that Death Eater scum, but you always looked so sexy when—”

“Anthony. You remember Draco,” Harry blurted out. 

Anthony turned, having obviously not noticed or cared who Harry’s companion was and his expression soured. “Malfoy.” He nodded curtly. 

“Goldstein.” Draco stood and held out his hand politely, but Goldstein didn’t move to take it. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Er, _hem_ ,” Harry coughed behind him. “We’re on a date.” 

“Oh...How nice.” Goldstein said with measured courtesy. He schooled his features into something akin to a charming smile, “Well, I suppose I’ll leave you gentlemen to your evening.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a card. “Here’s all my information, Harry. I’d love for you to get in touch some time soon when you’re—” he gave a little cough and a wink”—free.” 

“Yes well, thank you for stopping by. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to use the men’s room and then Draco and I have plans.”

 

“Certainly.” 

Harry nodded and headed off to find the loo. No sooner was he out of earshot than Goldstein rounded on Draco, poking a finger in his chest hard enough to bruise. “Now you listen to me, you murderous piece of shit.” Draco blanched. “I don’t know what your game is, or what you’re after chasing a man who is obviously too good for you. We all know you don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourself. Do you think I forgot what it was like living in the Room of Requirement like a refugee while you and your cronies swanned around the castle helping your twisted master? Because I don’t. Potter may buy your brainwashed, terrified, abused child act, but frankly the rest of us don’t give a shit if it’s true or not. You belong in Azkaban. Or better yet an empty fucking shell. I hear that’s how your mummy got old Lucius back. Nothing more than a blank, lifeless zombie she has to feed twice a day. Heard it broke dear ol’ mum’s heart and she hasn’t been seen or heard outside since. Harry’ll figure out what you are soon enough, once he’s had his fill of that pretty arse of yours. Glad you’re good for _something_. But if he doesn’t, don’t worry, he has friends that care about him who will be more than happy to show him what you really are. You’re a criminal and you deserve to suffer for your sins.” Goldstein spat at Dracos feet, and with that he was gone. 

Draco fell back in his chair as if he’d been slapped. He felt like he might be sick. He stared blankly at the spit on his shoe. The world was blurring down to that single viscous spot on brown leather...

“Hello! Draco...Hey!”

Draco’s head snapped up and looked straight into concerned emerald green eyes. 

“Hey, are you ok? I waved at you from the door and called to tell you the check was paid, but I guess you didn’t hear me.”

Draco swallowed hard, “Oh, right, sorry, must be the wine going to my head.”

Harry smiled warmly and held out his hand. Draco reached a shaky hand out and took it. Potter’s grip tightened and pulled him up. “Well, a nice walk will do you some good.” 

Harry’s smile was infectious, and Draco almost started to feel better as he was led out of the restaurant, till he turned and saw Goldstein’s narrowed eyes following them. He mustn’t forget. He was trash. He had no right to this. 

They walked down the street into the brisk night air. Harry was swinging their arms back and forth like a kid. God, he was naive. Naive but wonderful. He knew they couldn’t live like this forever:happy normal people walking down the street, swinging their arms and skipping like one of them isn’t a cowardly, lying bastard. Fuck this. A few blocks from the club, Draco had had it. He may not deserve it, but he was a Slytherin goddamnit, and if in this one moment he can take what he wants and not be punished for it, then he was fucking going to.

He pushed Harry against a shop window and kissed him. He wasn’t timid or submissive like he usually was with Harry. He didn’t follow Harry’s lead. He simply took. He could feel Harry begin to melt beneath him, his knees growing weak, so he wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling their hips together and holding him up at the same time. He remembered earlier how badly he had wanted to run his fingers through that wild mop of luxurious hair, so he did, tousling the raven locks with his long pale fingers till they finally came to rest on the back of Harry’s neck. Draco’s thumb caressed Harry’s cheek and he could feel Harry fall apart beneath him, gasping and moaning into the kiss as his prick frantically rubbed against Draco’s thigh. 

Draco pulled back, dragging his hand to cup Harry’s cheek and putting his thumb into Harry’s eager mouth. Harry sucked it greedily as he moaned, wantonly rutting against Draco. Draco grabbed Harry’s ass and pushed his hungry dick firmly against his thigh. He wanted to feel in this moment how much Harry Potter wanted him. Slowly, he dragged his thumb out of Harry’s mouth and rested it on his lower lip as he stared into Harry’s lust-fogged emerald eyes. 

Remember this.

Harry’s eyes sharpened and his wanting gaze pierced him. “Jesus, Draco…” he panted, eyes wide in amazement. Draco smirked, leaned in, and planted another firm kiss to Harry’s lips before stepping back. Harry nearly collapsed. He looked ravished and beautiful and like he’d won the fucking lottery. He smiled and launched himself at Draco, holding him firmly in a tight embrace, one arm around his waist the other tangled in his har. His face nuzzling into Draco’s neck. Then he backed up and offered Draco his hand. Draco took it and Harry kissed him sweetly on the lips.

What a beautiful fool. 

They continued down the street, slowly beginning to hear the chatter and the rumble of the club ahead. As they made their way inside, Harry immediately began to scan the room for his friends. The second he spotted them, he took off like a shot, leaving Draco alone, presumably to go and fetch them some drinks like an errand boy, Draco thought bitterly. He watched as Potter rushed into the throng and was immediately leapt upon by Lee Jordan. Literally leapt upon. Lee jumped at him, wrapped his arms and legs around Harry and squealed in excitement. Harry laughed good naturedly and set him down.

The years had been kind to Lee. He’d lost that ridiculous haircut, his face had refined itself till it was all sharp angles you could practically cut yourself on, not to mention he’d grown taller and broader. The bloke looked like a bloody supermodel. If he was honest with himself, he’d always liked Lee. Sure, he was a twat to the Slytherin team in his match commentary, but Draco had to admit he was always clever and quick on his feet, and he would have been bloody hilarious if the jokes weren’t at Draco’s expense. The things he could have done with him had he been in Slytherin. Harry could be happy with someone like Lee. 

Draco continued to watch as Harry was swarmed and welcomed by the entire assembly, and noticed, not for the first time, that he didn’t even seem to miss Draco’s absence when he was among these people. Bloody tosser could have anyone he wanted. What the fuck did he need Draco for? In the end, he’d go back to his life and pick someone new to watch telly and eat takeaway with and the only person who would have paid for it would be Draco. Because Harry had given him a taste of something he was never entitled to. If he’d never known what those sweet moments of being held and cared for felt like, he’d never feel the aching, shattering withdrawal that would come from them being ripped away. 

He walked to the bar, ordered a double scotch, and threw it back in one gulp. Then he ordered another and leaned back against the bar. Hell if he was going to go over there and feel like an outcast. He’d rather stay right here and just be an anonymous bloke at the bar. 

That’s when he saw him, laughing with a man and two women at the other end of the bar, that impish grin and those puckish eyes were unmistakable.

B.J. didn’t know or care about his past, he just liked what he saw. Suddenly, blue eyes looked up and caught his and that smile was directed at him. Goldstein’s words echoed around and around in his head—

 _“You murderous piece of shit.”_

_“You don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourself.”_

_“Glad you’re good for something.”_

_“He’ll figure it out.”_

Draco wanted to scream. He downed the rest of his drink and looked over at Potter and his friends. They were happy, carefree, and Harry, that bastard, didn’t even notice he was missing. Fuck it. If they thought he was a piece of shit who didn’t give a fuck about anybody, then he’d be one. At least he was good for something. Fuck Harry. So what if he might feel a little angry or upset if he found out. He could take any one of them home. Tonight, Draco was going to be a regular guy getting what he wanted from a handsome stranger.

He turned back to B.J. who had an eyebrow quirked at him. Draco smiled and gestured with his head toward the door. B.J.’s smile grew and he nodded. He turned to excuse himself from his friends and Draco set down his glass and walked out the front door. 

 

The night air hit Draco like a rush of freedom, his heart was pounding in his chest. He took a deep breath and suddenly arms captured him around the waist from behind and a wicked voice whispered in his ear, “Hey there, stranger.”

Something about those words made him shiver and feel uncertain, but he brushed that aside and turned around. “Your alley or mine?”

B.J. burst out into laughter. “I told you the classics always work.” And then he kissed him. B.J.’s kiss was sinful and decadent, but there was still a hint of laughter bubbling up between them. He tasted of whiskey and cigarettes and he smelled of cotton and leather. He felt himself being slowly guided backward till they were in the alley, and Draco was pushed up against a wall.

His arms were pinned above his head as B.J. began licking and sucking on the side of Draco’s neck. He heard himself moan as he heard B.J. murmur, “God I was hoping you’d be here tonight.” Teeth came up to nip his earlobe while one hand went down to cup at his crotch through his denims. “I’ve been thinking about you all week, you gorgeous bastard.”

“Fuck!” Draco gasped as a hand opened his flies, snaked its way into his trousers, and wrapped itself around his already hard cock.

“Mmmm, you want this bad, don’t you baby?” Draco closed his eyes and nodded, reveling in the sensations washing over him. “Say it.” B.J. swooped in and kissed him fiercely, claiming his mouth and taking what he wanted. He pulled back abruptly, and Draco, suddenly bereft of touch, moved to follow. “I need you to say it. I need you to tell me what you want to do here. I don’t want to push you too hard or take advantage of you, but I do want to make you feel good, and God, do I want to get off with you. I’m aching right now, but I need you to tell me what you want.”

Draco groaned, “Ahhh, I want you to make me come and I...hmmm…FUCK...I want you...want you to fuck me...make me feel good...make me forget…”

B.J. smiled lovingly as he stroked Draco gently. “Ahhh now love...I don’t know what you need to forget, and I can’t promise I can help with that.” Draco whimpered, and B.J. continued, “But I’m sorry you don’t feel good...I _can_ help with that. For right now anyway.” And he kissed Draco gently, a promise of something good. 

For right now. 

“You ready love?” Draco nodded and B.J. turned him around lowering his pants and trousers and reaching into his pocket for lube. He prepped Draco carefully, almost tenderly. Draco braced himself with his arms against the wall and his cheek against the brick. B.J. slid on a condom and lined himself up. “Are you ok?” 

Something good for right now. 

Draco nodded and B.J. pushed himself in slowly with a low groan. He put his hands on Draco’s hips and stilled when he bottomed out, breathing heavily into his ear. 

Draco’s heart was pounding and he nodded, “You can go now. C’mon B.J.. Do it. Please. Give me right now. Fuck everything else. I want one good thing just for right now.” 

B.J. understood and kissed Draco’s cheek. He pulled out and began thrusting into him in earnest. 

The heat of B.J. against his back, the feeling of his balls slapping against him, the fullness inside, the sensation of two men just taking pleasure from each other. No expectations, no history, no bullshit. Just this. This bliss. Just for now. He moaned. He was pushing back, impaling himself on B.J.’s thick, hard cock. 

“Fuck, Draco. Christ, you’re so good, so tight, yeah fuck me back, that’s it baby, take it, take my cock…” Draco started to touch himself but B.J. slapped his hand away. He wrapped one arm around Draco’s chest, the other around his prick and whispered in his ear, “Uh-uh baby, that’s mine for now too, I’m afraid.” He began pumping Draco’s dick in time with each thrust into his hole. Draco keened at the exquisite feeling of being taken. And then he heard it.

A panicked voice. 

Draco froze.

“No! Jesus Christ, Nev! Let me go! I have to find him!”

He heard frantic steps. Then green eyes and a shock of raven hair rounded the corner and froze. Harry looked like he’d been physically struck. He looked down to where B.J.’s cock disappeared inside Draco, and then trailed up to meet Draco’s eyes. For just a moment, Draco could see disbelief, horror, anger, betrayal, and anguish all warring in those green depths. Then Harry suddenly disappeared back around the corner. Draco could hear retching and Neville shouting, “Harry! Harry! Are you okay, mate?” 

B.J.’s cock unceremoniously flopped out of him and he hastily tucked it away. Draco saw the edge of Harry’s shoulder as he collapsed back against the wall and slid down it.

“Harry! What the…” Then Neville rounded the corner. He quickly assessed the situation, and his eyes hardened, his face turning red. Draco no longer saw the easygoing, huggable botanist. Neville transformed before his eyes into the general that stood up to Voldemort in the final battle. 

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Neville said. His usually genial voice pitched low and deadly. “I told him. We all fucking told him to cut you loose. But he refused. Do you have any idea how worried he’s been looking for you? Practically tore the fucking place apart! He swore he needed to keep you safe. He was about to call the fucking Aurors, swore there was no way you’d leave without him voluntarily and that there were people out there that wanted to hurt you. Well I don’t know about then, but there are fucking now!”

Neville took three swift steps toward him and decked him. 

Draco went down without a fight shaking quietly.

Neville crouched down next to him.

“He insisted that you were different. That you had changed. _He’s sweet_ he said, so when he kept bringing you along we tried to be nice to you. But you just sat there. Stiff and cold as ice. Immovable, staring off into the distance. _He’s just scared_ he said. We wanted to like you, Malfoy. We really did, because for a year we saw the smile Harry had slowly lost in the war come back to him. So we tried Malfoy. But you, are fucking DONE NOW.”

He grabbed Draco by the collar and slammed him against the wall, his skull smacking against it with a loud crack.

“Okay Okay, mate, that’s enough.” B.J. had stepped in and was trying to pull Neville off of Draco, but Neville held onto his throat like a terrier with a bone screaming, “We trusted him with you. He fucking _loved_ you, you BASTARD!”

B.J. finally succeeded in pulling Neville free, just as Neville spat directly in his face.

That’s two in one night, Draco thought numbly. _I must be popular_. He began to laugh maniacally as he collapsed to the ground. He could hear Neville consoling Harry in the distance. Oh god...Harry was crying...He’d never heard Harry cry before...What had he done? 

He was curled up in a ball as memories swam through his head; Harry petting his hair, Harry’s excitement when he had agreed to go on a real date, Harry looking sheepish and nervous at the restaurant, Harry saying “I always pay attention to you Draco”, the look of bliss on Harry’s face when Draco had kissed him against the shop window. 

Oh god…He’d missed it. He’d been so busy listening to the hatred in his own head, he couldn’t see the love in front of him and now it was too late. He’d become everything they’d thought he was. He was a selfish bastard:he was a piece of shit, and Harry _was_ too good for him. He deserved to rot in Azkaban for hurting a man as wonderful as Harry the way he had. Goldstein was right: he needed suffer for his sins. 

Suddenly, gentle hands were on him, examining the cut on his face and Draco flinched.

“Shh...shh...shh, it’s just me. They’re gone.”

Draco curled away and began to sob in earnest, pulling himself into a tighter ball. He needed to stay down. Just stay here till everything went away.

“Hey...come on now…” He recognized B.J.’s voice and looked up.

“What…”

“Sounds like you fucked up pretty bad there mate.” He could hear the gentle smile in B.J.’s voice.

“Why are you still here?” Draco said as B.J. slowly pulled him up into a sitting position.

“Hey, I may have just been on the pull, but I’m not such a bastard I’m gonna leave a crying, bleeding man alone in an alley with his cock out.” B.J. said “You might want to see to that by the way.”

Draco looked down embarrassed and tucked himself away. He couldn’t look up.

“Ok, well that’s one down.” B.J. said, “I had a bit of medical training in the Navy. I don’t think you have a serious head injury, although you’ll have a nasty lump and a powerful headache in the morning. Now let’s get you home.” 

Draco looked around, he wasn’t sure where he should go. He spent most nights at Harry’s, only going to the Manor grab fresh clothes and say hello to Mother. 

B.J. seemed to read what Draco was thinking because he smiled sadly and said, “Ahhh… you lived with him, did you? Well it looks like you made a right cock-up of things.”

Draco began to cry again and B.J. pulled him close. “Shh...it’s ok. We all do at some point in our lives.”

“Yeah, well I seem to be particularly gifted.” 

“Ahh! A man after my own heart. Welcome to the club mate, we have t-shirts!” B.J. laughed. “Okay, well, first things first. Do you have a friend you can stay with?” 

Draco couldn’t think. Everything was all a blur, but suddenly it came to him, “P...Pansy. She’s my best friend.”

“Wonderful,” B.J. said, standing up quickly and extending a hand to help Draco up.

Draco took it warily but allowed himself to be hoisted up. “Why are you doing this?” he asked, eyeing B.J. suspiciously.

B.J. smiled again,”I have no nefarious intentions friend. You seem like an okay bloke. But lost, and if you don’t mind me saying, in need of a little bit of kindness and repair. Besides, what can I say? We fuck-ups gotta stick together. Now, let's get you to this Pansy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Tune in for Chapter 2 which will be published on 3/3!


	2. If You Can't Love Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco wakes up to a Pansy determined to help Draco get his life in order and she's enlisted help...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a song fic based on Criminal by Fiona Apple. I'd like to thank my brilliant Alpha/Beta/friend [Andithiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andithiel/pseuds/Andithiel) and to one of the best beta's I know [OllieMaye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bquery%5D=olliemaye)!
> 
>  
> 
> This will not be abandoned! I am one chapter away from the ending and I promise a new chapter will be published every Sunday until the story is complete :)

Draco woke to a whoosh and a sudden flood of light as curtains were whipped open.

“Get up idiot, we’re going to brunch.”

Draco tried to curl deeper into the cocoon of blankets and pillows he was swaddled in. They smelled like orange blossom and amber incense; it was comforting. Or it _was_ , until the pillow under his head was unceremoniously ripped from his grasp and smacked him in the face. 

“OW! Pans! Stop it!”

His denims landed on his head, followed by his jumper. 

“Be ready in 15 minutes or there’ll be no mimosas for you.” 

And with that, she left the bedroom without a backward glance, cherry blossom dressing gown billowing behind her as she headed to the bathroom to get ready. When Pans was like this, it was best to just board the train. If you didn’t, you were either going to end up under it, or tied to the caboose and dragged down the tracks behind it. He sat up and was greeted by a knife-sharp pain in his skull. He felt like he really _had_ been hit by a train. Then he remembered why, and he felt like letting someone actually do it. Merlin, what the fuck was he supposed to do now? He had thrown away the only thing he had left. What was the point anymore? 

“Draco! I don’t hear you getting ready! Seven minutes, god damnit, or I'm going to come in there, Petrificus you, and dress you myself. You decide.”

Fuck. Slowly he dragged himself up and put on his denims. He threw on his rumpled sweater and pushed up the sleeves. It wasn’t like _that_ mattered anymore anyway either. He tucked up his side of Pansy’s bed—bitch could straighten her own pillows—and walked over to the vanity. Fuck, he looked like he felt. There was a small cut on his cheek with an accompanying purplish bruise forming beneath it; he also had a spectacular black eye and a scrape on the right side of his face from where he’d hit the pavement. How attractive. His hair was disheveled and kinked up strangely on one side from sleep; he ran his fingers through it, but to no avail. He walked down the hall to Pansy’s bathroom and opened the door as she was getting dressed. 

“Don’t you knock?” 

“Piss off.” He turned on the faucet, ran some water through his hair and washed his face. He reached past her just as she was hooking her bra and grabbed a towel. He patted his face dry, set the towel down, and turned, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed. She slipped her arms into a swishy black and white floral wrap dress. As she tied it at the waist Draco asked, ”Wasn’t I with you when you bought that? At that street fair?”

“No I don’t think so darling, I think that one had roses, but it was similar. I think I got this with Storie.” She stood beside him at the counter as she unzipped her makeup bag and pulled out that patented Pansy Parkinson red lipstick. She almost wasn’t herself without it. She coloured her lips, added a quick dash of mascara and ran her fingers through her hair. Satisfied, she turned, “Ok, off we go then.” 

\------------

They made their way down the street to a little restaurant they loved, called Hudson’s. It was the kind of place that felt trendy and comfortable all at once.Usually they sat outside on the quaint little patio, but as they approached, Draco said, “Inside please, my head hurts and the sun is killing me.” 

“Poor baby,” she said in a mocking tone as she gently patted his face, “Maybe next time don’t be a gigantic idiot and get the crap beaten out of you.”

He glared at her. Truth be told, he didn’t remember much of last night after B.J. scooped him up off the alley floor. He remembered a very embarrassing cab ride where he leaned against him and cried alot. He remembered a tired, confused Pansy opening the door, alarmed to find her best friend being delivered to her looking like he’d just gone ten rounds with a hippogriff. He remembered B.J. and Pans bundling him up into her bed; he remembered falling asleep to the sounds of their low murmuring outside the door. He had no idea what they had talked about or what Pansy knew. He only knew he didn’t want to talk about it now, and he certainly didn’t feel like volunteering information she didn’t already have. 

Pansy spoke to the waitress while Draco looked around at all the happy carefree people eating and laughing as if today _wasn’t_ a horrifying crapfest. Along the wall directly behind the host stand were stoves and cooktops at which a team of people rushed about scrambling, frying, chopping, mixing, and grilling. A flustered man he presumed to be the brunch chef, was flailing about this way and that, people were bumping into each other; it looked like utter chaos. The blond TV chef would be appalled but it felt like the perfect metaphor for his life. Pansy grabbed his hand and dragged him along as the waitress led them to their table.

They took their seats, Pansy ordered two mimosas, and told the waitress she would let them know when they were ready to order. When the mimosas arrived, Pansy looked at her phone and held up a finger. “Aaaand…Now it’s 11. Drink up, it is officially a respectable hour for champagne.” 

“Pansy, that’s cute, but we both know you think every hour is a perfectly respectable hour for champagne.”

“True, but this way I can enjoy it knowing my grandmother isn’t rolling over in her grave with the copy of _A Pureblood Witch’s Guide to Decorum_ mum buried her with.”

Draco laughed. They clinked their glasses and sat in amiable silence. When the first glass was finished, Pansy ordered a second round. Draco took a sip as Pansy eyed him. The second he set it down she pounced. 

“OK, so what are we going to do about this little predicament you’ve gotten yourself into?”

Draco groaned. He knew it was too good to be true. “Really?”

“Look, I’m a great friend. I brought you to your favorite place, got you champagne, let you finish it so you could take the edge off, and ordered you a second so you’d have something to comfort you as I dragged out all the awful details. Now, here’s what we’re going to do.” She took a sip of her champagne and held out a finger ticking them off as she spoke. “We are going to figure out: A, what happened; B, why it happened; and C, what we’re going to do about it.”

“Ah ah ah! NO!” she said as Draco opened his mouth to speak. “You can whinge all you want Draco Malfoy, but I’ve been watching you self destruct for 7 fucking years. I have had it. I thought I’d give you time to figure it out. I thought that Harry would be able to help you. For a while, you seemed to be getting better even, but now you’ve gone and chucked it. So I don’t care what you do to fix it, but we are going to fix it. I will not answer my door in the middle of the night to find you bleeding and sobbing in the arms of a stranger ever again. You scared the crap out of me last night. Thank goodness you picked a good one to screw up with, because it could have been a lot worse, do you realize that? Anybody else might have left you there, you could have been injured far more severely than you were, and you were so out of it you could have been taken advantage of. The way you showed up last night, you didn’t even look like you cared much either way.” Her eyes hardened, “Well I do, and this is going to stop. Do I make myself clear?”

It was unbelievable how she could make him feel like the world’s biggest arsehole, and at the same time loved and precious.

“Pans, you make it sound so easy. It was bad before but now...I mean, when this gets out, and make no mistake it will, people are going to want my head on a spike, and I could even bear that, but…he loved me Pans.” Draco felt like he couldn’t breathe. “I swear, I didn’t know, I thought...I thought I was just there. Just convenient, that he would just move on to the next guy when he chucked me. I didn’t...I mean…why would I think that he…” he buried his face in his hands. “Pans I fucked everything up. I just felt so awful, like I was worthless, and then this bloke asked me if...I just wanted to feel normal. If I’d have known…” he was trying to hold back the tears. Tears were pointless. They wouldn’t bring Harry back. 

“Oh darling.” Pansy placed her hand on his, her thumb rubbing gently caressing the back of his hand “We’re going to fix it. I promise, my love.” 

“How? I’m alone in the world, Pans. You’re all I have. I used to have him. Even his friends were forced to tolerate me, but now it’s all gone. It’s just you and me. Muggles are the only people that don’t despise me and I can’t even fit in with them! I mean, can you imagine?! I would be so lost in their world. So now I’m stuck here in the middle. And as much as I love you, that’s just not enough.”

A grin spread across her face. “I knew you’d say that. That’s why I enlisted some help. Hey!” She waved at someone behind Draco. “You can come over now.” Draco turned around and saw a man he hadn’t noticed before sitting alone with his back to them. He stood up, grabbed his drink, and turned to walk over to their table. It was B.J.

Draco whipped back around and hissed “Pans! What are you doing! Do you know who that is?”

“Of course I do darling, he’s the gentleman you had sex with last night. I’ll give you this, you have good taste. He likes you, and he’s as worried about you as I am. He’s agreed to help us fix you.”

Draco pitched his voice even lower “Pans, he’s a _muggle_ , he couldn’t possibly understand the scope of my problems! How is he supposed to help?”

“Actually,” B.J. said as he took the seat beside Draco. “Your charming friend here is cleverer than you give her credit for. She and I had a long talk about you last night after we tucked you in. I think I can help, and I’d like to if you’ll let me.”

Draco stared, a little uncomfortable seeing B.J. in broad daylight at his favourite restaurant with his best friend the morning after they’d...well after he’d seen...It didn’t matter: there was no way this could work. “Well, that’s very nice of you,” he said, not quite able to meet B.J’s eyes. “But my life is really complicated and…”

“Is this because you’re a wizard?”

Draco’s mouth fell open in blank shock. 

“Oh please, Draco,” Pansy rolled her eyes “When are you going to learn? I think of everything.”

“Pansy!” Draco turned to her in horror, “You could be be brought up on charges for breaching the International Statute of Secrecy! You can’t flout Ministry law just because you’re worried about me!”

“Well, actually,” Pansy said smugly, “you have the damndest luck. Not only did B.J. here not leave you to die in an alley, he also already knows about our kind.”

“Wait, are you a…”

“No, I’m not a wizard Draco.” B.J. said, “and don’t worry, Pansy didn’t risk anything. I figured it out. Practically had to drag it out of her to get her to admit it though. You boyfriend’s mate, Neville was it? Well, when he was screaming in that alley, he said something about calling the aurors. That sounded familiar, but I just figured I’d misheard or misunderstood. But then he was talking about a war and I put two and two together. My sister Caroline’s a muggle-born, a bit older than me. I remember turning 11 and hoping I was too so I could go to Hogwarts, but turns out I’m ordinary.”

“Oh B.J.,” Pansy winked. “you are _definitely_ not ordinary.” 

Draco leaned back in his chair, dumbstruck. “Of all the gin joints…,”

“Right?” B.J. winked. “So Pansy and I had a long chat last night, and she explained your situation. Honestly, I’m impressed you’ve kept it together this long. I’d have self-destructed way before you did.”

Draco just continued to stare, unsure if B.J. was being serious.

“Draco, look at yourself. You have no friends, no home, you can barely go outside in your world without being harassed. You have no understanding of how my world works, so you can’t even escape. You have a menial job you hate that is _underground_ of all things, and to top it all off, your boyfriend saved the world and you have to be afraid of being seen with him. Do you _not_ see how _insane_ that is?”

“I...well...when you put it that way, I guess. But it's not like any of this matters. I can’t deny what I’ve done. Now I just have to accept my fate and suffer through it. I don’t really see that there is much of a solution.”

“Draco, this is all so unhealthy! No wonder your self-worth is down the shitter, there was literally only one bright spot in your life.”

“Hey!” Pansy swatted B.J.. 

“Ok, two,” B.J. smiled indulgently “But, from what I gathered during your barely coherent rambling last night, you lived in constant fear that all that was going to fall apart. Well I hate to tell you this, but it was. It always was.”

“Great, just great. And this is the person you think I need to go to for guidance, Pansy?” Draco was starting to get frustrated now.

“Draco,” Pansy warned, “you haven’t let him finish.”

“Let him finish what? Okay fine, B.J., you’ve summed it up perfectly. My life sucks, I have nowhere to go and everybody hates me and apparently the only person that ever taught me what love was supposed to feel like was always going to leave anyway. But you think you can fix me? Great. I just don’t know where I can begin, honestly. What I need is a good defence, because I feel like the worlds biggest arsehole. I keep failing and failing and it feels like, just when I think I can’t fuck up any harder, I find a way. I frankly don’t see the point in any of this.”

 

“No Draco, I don’t think I can fix you. I think Pansy and I would like to help you fix yourself. To redeem yourself in your own eyes,” B.J. said.

“Fuck in my own eyes. I need to be redeemed in the eyes of Harry Potter. He’s all I’ve ever known of love in this world. But you can’t help me do that, can you?”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Pansy cut in. She waved down the waiter and ordered another round of mimosas, “Finish that, Draco.” She gestured to his half-finished mimosa. He glared at her but did as she directed.

“Good boy. Now, first of all, you and I both know that Harry bloody Potter isn’t ‘all you’ve ever known of love in this world’, you drama queen.” She leaned across the table and smacked him hard across the back of the head. “There’s me you jackass, and I don’t take kindly to being told I don’t love you when I have never given you any indication to the contrary. I’ve been on your team since we were 7 years old, finding clever ways to hide from boring parties together. It’s always been you and me against the world, even if you did try to pretend otherwise for parts of your moody teen years. Vince and Greg loved you in their own monosyllabic way. There’s your parents. Your father may not have known the right way to show it, but he loved you. Oh! And your mother loved you so much she defied _Voldemort_ to keep you safe. So shut it with this nobody's ever loved me crap. Now, I won’t deny that the boy wonder loved you in a way nobody ever has before, and I will admit that despite all my reservations, he was good for you. I want you to get him back Draco, if we can manage it, I really do. But the sun does not rise and set out of Harry Potter’s chosen arsehole!”

The whole table was silent for a moment. 

And then B.J. began laughing hysterically, “God Draco, where did you find her and where do I get mine? You are one lucky son of a bitch.” 

Pansy lifted her glass and toasted the air. She finished her drink and reached for the replacement the waiter had just deposited in front of her. 

Draco couldn’t help it; B.J. was right. He was one lucky son of a bitch. He wished he wasn’t gay. He could marry her and be happy forever. But he knew she was hoping to marry for love one day and he would never get in the way of that. He smiled at her. “I’m sorry, Pans. I love you.”

She smiled back, “Of course you do. I love you too.” 

“Aaaanyway...,” B.J. said, “What Pansy was trying to say is, Draco, you aren’t complete right now. You don’t have a life of your own to be proud of. You don’t love yourself. How is anybody supposed to be in relationship with half of a person? Yes, your partner is there for you when you stumble or feel broken. But Draco, you haven’t even been trying to be someone strong enough to be there for him as an equal partner. You need to cleanse yourself of all these lies that society has taught you to believe about yourself.”

“But how can I ever be good enough for him? I mean look at me. Look at my life. What do I even have to offer?”

“Ughhhhhhhhhh! You are Draco Malfoy, for god’s sake!” Pansy was exasperated. “First of all, have you seen you? You are stunningly gorgeous. When you are confident, people stop and stare when you walk down the street. You are ridiculously intelligent. You were the second smartest student in our year; you outstripped even the Ravenclaws on marks. You are hilarious and playful. I don’t think Potter appreciated it much at the time since all your jokes were aimed at him, but you used to have the common room in stitches. Draco, when we were young, before this war stole everything from you, all of Slytherin wanted to either be you or fuck you. I would give anything to have that Draco back.”

“So,” B.J. said, “ I need you to take him out of the equation for a minute. Because to quote RuPaul ‘Honey, if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?’ Pansy and I have made a list.”

“We call it _The Idiot’s Guide to Getting His Head Out Of His Own Arse, or: How to make Draco Draco Again_ ”

They ordered their meals and discussed _The List_. By the time the plates were being cleared away, they felt they had a good starting point. 

_Item one: Getting Along in the Muggle World  
(Also known as: follow B.J. around and learn everything he knows) _

_Item two: Get a Better Job  
(Also known as: tell the goblins to get fucked)_

_Item three: Get Your Own Place  
(Also known as: get out of my bed so I can get laid sometimes, you wanker) _

_Item four: Get a Social Life  
(Also known as get pissed and have fun before you get old and die) _

\------------

That night, as he crawled into bed next to Pansy, he reached out and pulled her close. He kissed her forehead and rested his chin on top of her head. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a shitty friend, and I’m sorry I scared you. What would I do without you, Pans?”

She nuzzled against him. “I dunno, die probably.” She sighed. ”Just promise me you’ll get better. I don’t know who the bloke that’s been walking around in your clothes for the past 7 years is, but I want my Draco back. He was amazing.”

“I’ll try to find him for you, Pans.” He kissed her forehead again. 

She looked up at him and smiled. “Good, now go back to your side of the bed, you’re a bloody furnace.” She laughed and pushed him away.

He rolled over into her soft down pillows, and as he drifted to sleep, he felt for the first time in a long time that maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be okay.


	3. Find Yourself in TIme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After years of self hatred and fear, Draco has finially gotten his life together. A look at where he is and how he got there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday again! Hope you all enjoy this chapter!
> 
> This is a song fic based on Criminal by Fiona Apple. I'd like to thank my brilliant Alpha/Beta/friend [Andithiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andithiel/pseuds/Andithiel) and to one of the best beta's I know [OllieMaye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bquery%5D=olliemaye)!
> 
>  
> 
> This will not be abandoned! I am one chapter away from the ending and I promise a new chapter will be published every Sunday until the story is complete :)

Draco looked around his flat at the chaos and decided he didn’t remember when he had been happier. His world was exploding with life, color, laughter and mayhem. 

“Get your hand out of there Cy, or I will cut it off!” He whipped around and whapped him on the hand with a mixing spoon just as Cy was about to pick some bacon off of his bacon, truffle, and 5 cheese macaroni and cheese.

“Ow!” Cy exclaimed as he withdrew his hand, shaking the sting away. 

From the other side of the kitchen island, Patrick howled with laughter. “I told you you couldn’t sneak one past him!” 

“I swear Cylan, there is a cheese plate, two types of dip and a flatbread over there. I even made you those little taquitos you like so much, so get your arse out of my kitchen.” 

“Well can I at least—” 

Draco reached into the tub of drinks and handed him another beer without even looking up from his sautéing. 

“Damn, you’re good.”

“It’s part of my charm. Now OUT!” Draco said as he whipped him on the arse with a kitchen towel and turned to peel and press some garlic, smiling to himself.

B.J. walked into the kitchen and began rummaging in the freezer for some ice. “You know, you’d make it a lot easier on yourself if you just let me order a bunch of pizzas for these things. This lot will eat anything.”

“Yes, but I am a Malfoy and I have standards,” he said in the haughty, aristocratic tone of his youth. 

“Hey!” Cy shouted from his seat at the dining room table, “How come B.J. gets to be in the kitchen!” 

“Because he doesn’t pick at the food like a savage.”

Cy launched a cracker at Draco, sticking his tongue out.

Draco batted it out of the air with his spoon before it made contact. “Keep it up and you won’t get to see what I made you for dessert,” he said, tossing a grape at Cy, who deftly leaned to his left and caught it with his mouth. 

“You’re getting better at that,” said Garrett as he and Amani walked in from the living room. “Have you been practising?”

“‘Course he has, with the amount of things people throw at him, he needs good reflexes,” Patrick said as he launched a cherry tomato at Cy, who swiftly grabbed it from mid-air and popped it in his mouth.

“Oh, laugh all you want, but notice how I never have to get up to get snacks?”

Suddenly a tomato, a grape, a piece of bread and a taquito all came flying at him at once. “Gaaah!” he shouted as he ducked his head and threw up his arms to defend himself from the onslaught.

The room erupted in laughter just as Pansy opened the front door, “What’d I miss?” she said as the room cheered her arrival. 

Draco could hardly believe this was his life. He thought back to the man he was a year ago and he hardly recognised him; that man never would have imagined any of this was possible. 

“Draco, I got you a present!” Pansy said.

“Yeah, I hope it’s those strawberries I asked for, because dessert won’t be the same without them.”

“Yes, yes, I got your strawberries, you wanker,” she said, holding up the bag in her hand to show him. “I also got you something even better!” She reached just outside the door and pulled in a grinning Blaise Zabini.

“Blaise!” Draco shouted, all thoughts of his chopping forgotten and leaping on him. 

“Whoa...Hey there tiger, this shirt cost more than your entire flat.” Blaise said good naturedly.

“Yup, still a posh bastard” Draco smirked. “Guys, I’d like you to meet my good friend Blaise.”

 

The day after that brunch a year ago, B.J. had set to work on what he called Draco’s “normal human education". First, they needed to go to Diagon to get a Muggle birth certificate, passport and other documentation. He had considered changing his legal Muggle name to Black in order to make him more difficult to find, but Pansy had quickly squashed that idea, saying that that was tantamount to hiding. This was about resurrecting Draco Malfoy in all his glory, not burying him. 

As they made their way down Diagon amongst the glares of the Wizarding shoppers, B.J. turned to him and said, “Fuck this. No wonder you’re mental. We’ll show these fuckers.” Draco looked at him and was awed by the look of vicarious anger on B.J.’s face. He really was lucky he’d found him. 

 

He looked up now to see B.J. on the couch, engaged in what looked to be a fascinating conversation with Blaise on god only knows what. Pansy was sitting on the floor perched between his knees as he rubbed her shoulders. Those two got on like a house on fire. He had thought Pansy was bad when she wanted to invade some aspect of his life, but when the two of them got together, he was doomed every time. 

 

“Knock! Knock!” Draco turned to the door and saw Dave enter, a case of Fosters in one hand and a bottle of Sprite in the other.

“Hey Dave! Come on in! Just in time, dinner is almost ready. Here, you can chuck that in the fridge if you like.” 

“Don’t mind if I do!”

Draco handed him a glass as Dave made space for his beer and soda and prepared to make his signature shandy. If you could call Fosters and Sprite a shandy. 

“Anybody want one?”

“No, I’m good,” Garrett said, leaning against the kitchen island. “I’ll let you know when I’m in the mood for sparkly pisswater though.”

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it!”

“We have, we _all have_ Dave, and we took a vote. You’re mental,” Draco said. “Oh, and you better take whatever Fosters you don’t drink with you. Last time I had about 15 cans clogging up my fridge for weeks till it occurred Patrick to hand them out to the homeless.”

“I am nothing if not civic minded!” Patrick said from across the room. 

“Okay guys! Come and get it! Dave, do you mind taking that to the table while I grab some plates?” The room scrambled to gather round the table and fill their plates as Draco set the cooking dishes in the sink. 

“Mac and Cheese?” Blaise said as he quirked an eyebrow. “ What would your mother say?”

“If it helps your aristocratic sensibilities Blaise, think of it as a pork belly truffle gratin with a five cheese mornay sauce, and I’ll have you know my mother loves my cooking. You just have to present it appropriately. One of her favorite snacks is my roasted nut pâté paired with a compote of seasonal berries served on a hearty sprouted wheat bread.”

“You made Narcissa Malfoy a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?” Pansy looked incredulous.

“And she LOVED it.” Draco winked. He made himself a plate, grabbed his drink, and settled in his favourite armchair in the living room to eat accompanied by Blaise and Pansy. 

He looked around at his perfectly appointed flat. He liked it here. It was the first place that was ever all his own. Everything in it was his. No stuffy elegant wardrobes and tasteful antique aubussons. No, here he had his plush comfortable sofa, stylish and functional end tables, the biggest damn TV he could find so he could watch Gordon Ramsey in style, and a wide open space he could fill with people. Everything here was here because of choices _he_ made. Okay, well, not everything, he thought as he looked at the candles, throw blankets and end table lamps that had Pansy written all over them. But he chose her, so they belonged here just the same. 

People were chatting amiably and finishing their plates when it was decided it was time to get game night going. They did pub nights, they went out to clubs and in smaller groups to the cinema, but game night was everybody's favourite. It was always held the second Saturday of the month at 6 by standing invitation. Draco would make a wide array of incredible food, and depending on how many people came, they’d play cards or board games, or in the case of a turnout like tonight, a large group game. Patrick and Garrett were the most outspoken of the bunch and always had very strong, and somehow very opposite, ideas for what they should play. Sometimes Draco thought they just liked to argue so they could enjoy the victory when one of them won. There had been some very creative bets and challenges in the past to determine who got to decide. For the most part, nobody really cared; it was just fun watching them duke it out. Tonight, it seemed, it was an arm wrestle for either charades or Pictionary.

Cy turned away from the match, smirking. “Do you think we should tell them we could theoretically do both?” 

“Nah,” B.J. said as he leaned back in his chair and took a swig of his beer, “This is more fun, looks like Garrett’s gonna burst a blood vessel.”

Draco gathered up people’s empty dishes and walked them to the kitchen. As he rinsed them and set them in the dishwasher, he thought it really was amazing the things these muggles came up with. Growing up he was surrounded by people that made it seem like Muggles lived like barbarians with no means of maintaining a civilised culture without magic. He’d come to discover quite the opposite. This machine in itself was practically magic. Not only that, they had some inventions that far outstripped Wizarding methods. What the hell were wizards still doing faffing about with giant stacks of books when there was Google? Yes, granted, you still needed books for deeper research, but you could find the answer to all manner of simple questions with just a few keystrokes. And now that he’d seen a football match on telly, listening to Quidditch on the WWN would never be the same. Cell phones were amazing, you could communicate with a person from a distance without needing access to a fireplace, and why were they still using fire for heat and light anyway? It was insane. He was starting to think that Hogwarts ought to make Muggle Studies a mandatory course. He laughed to himself as he poured the powder detergent into the dishwasher and set it. What would the Wizarding world think of him now? ‘Draco Malfoy: advocate for Muggle technology, better education and the repeal of outdated Wizarding ideas.’ 

“Best two out of three!” Best two out of three!” he heard Garrett shout from the living room.

“Nope, you lose! We’re playing Pictionary!”

“You lifted your elbow off the table! Pansy! You saw him!”

“Well I’m sorry, Garrett,” Pansy said taking a sip of her drink, “but as I vastly prefer drawing pictures to prancing about like an idiot, I can neither confirm nor deny seeing any illegal manoeuvres.”

“Up top!” Patrick exclaimed, as she high-fived him while winking at Garrett.

Amani and Dave began to clear the coffee table, while B.J. grabbed Blaise and got him to help pull some chairs into the main room. 

“Draco, is that whiteboard still in the hall closet?” 

 

“Yep.” Draco said as he took another sip from his drink, consolidated the remaining appetizers onto one plate and cleared the unnecessary dishes. 

Cy returned with the white board and began setting it up. “Why do you always clean up _during_ the party Draco?”

“Because Cylan, tragically, I no longer have servants to do my bidding.”

Cy snorted as if the idea of Draco having servants was amusing, “Yeah, but why don’t you just do them later? Come sit with us.”

“Because Cy, I have to work in the morning and I don’t want to be exhausted. Funny thing about customers, they tend to complain when you’re so exhausted you serve them a broken hollandaise and an over cooked poached egg on their eggs benedict. I’d think you’d want me in top shape, it affects your tips after all.” He smirked and sipped his beer, “I’ll be there in a minute. Pick teams without me, I’m just gonna wash this up and put the finishing touches on dessert.”

It was yet another way he’d been blessed in such a short amount of time. 

 

Draco remembered the day he’d told the goblins where to stick their job, walked out the front doors of Gringotts, whipped around, and gave the building a proud two fingered salute. B.J. and Pansy had applauded and Draco gave them each a gracious bow in turn. He laughed, feeling lighter than he had in possibly his entire life. B.J. threw an arm around his shoulder and mussed his hair as Draco swatted at him and Pansy laughed. 

As they began to make their way towards The Leaky, he thought he felt someone watching him. When he turned to look, he could have sworn he saw a flash of green eyes, but then they were gone. He must have imagined it. He felt like he saw Harry everywhere these days. 

A few days after that however, he was sitting on Pansy’s couch having a panic attack about finding work. He had no idea what he was good at, or where he should look, or where to even begin. Pansy’s answer, as it was to most things, was brunch and mimosas.

Draco was being a perfectly miserable arsehole. 

When their mimosas arrived, their server brought them three instead of two, placing the extra in front of Draco. “The extra one’s on me,” he smiled, “I’ve seen you around here enough times to know that face means ‘keep them coming’ and I thought I’d save myself the trip.”

“Oooh, I like him…” Pansy said.

“So what is it? Breakup, death in the family, problems with the parents?” 

“We’re having a bit of an existential job crisis here, our little Draco needs work and he’s not sure where to start.”

“Can you cook at all? Nothing fancy, but we just lost a line cook. It’s mostly just chopping, stirring, sautéing, etc... pay’s decent, but the hours suck”

Draco’s perked up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

The waiter put out his hand, “The name’s Cylan, but my friends call me Cy”

And just like that, Draco found himself in the kitchen. He was a natural. Turns out, there was a lot of overlap between potions and cooking: precise chopping, careful measurement, stirring (or flipping) at the right time, and monitoring temperature. Which is not to say there wasn’t room for creativity and improvisation once you understood the basics of flavour and technique. It was as Professor Snape had said all those years ago, it was a “subtle science and exact art.” 

He worked his way up through the ranks and was now the sous chef at Hudson’s. He loved every minute of it. Not to mention once his talent had been recognised, he was put in charge of brunch. Every Saturday and Sunday morning, the kitchen was his. He ran a clean, organised, efficient service, and every week people flocked to Hudson’s for its tantalising, creative and exquisitely prepared specials. B.J. used to joke that he should go on one of those competitive cooking shows he was so obsessed with. It was funny at first, but now he was actually considering it. It could be fun, not to mention it played to Draco’s highly competitive nature. 

 

“ARSE O’CLOCK!” Draco heard shouts from the living room.

“THE CATEGORY IS MOVIE TITLES! WHAT EVEN WOULD THAT MEAN CY?!” Garrett yelled. 

Draco chuckled to himself as he added a candied strawberry to the top of each strawberry cheesecake cupcake, grabbed his drink and carried them into the living room. Everyone was gathered around a very frustrated looking Patrick, who was pointing wildly at what he’d drawn. In Cy’s defence it did appear to be the backside of a person and then a clock. Patrick was pointing to the clock’s arm and gesturing in a circular motion…maybe something about time?

“Behind the times!” Pansy exclaimed. 

“Is that a movie title?” Amani asked. 

“PATRICK! What is the butt for!?” B.J. called out. 

“Ummmm… OH! Hot Tub Time Machine!” shouted Garrett. “There’s butts in hot tubs!”

“No? Got it! The Time Traveler’s Wife!” Pansy cried.

“Patrick! Stop pointing at your butt-clock and draw SOMETHING ELSE!” screamed Amani.

“Time,” Blaise said cooly, looking up from the clock.

“BACK TO THE FUTURE!” Patrick roared, launching the pen towards the couch. 

Cy caught it deftly and said, “Why didn’t you just draw a Delorean?”

 

“BECAUSE I DIDN’T THINK OF THAT!” Patrick bellowed, as the room erupted in laughter.

“Now, don’t you wish we’d played charades?” Garrett looked smug.

“Okay boys and girls. play nice or you can’t have any cupcakes,” Draco said as he set the plate down on the coffee table. Cy dove at them eagerly as Draco took the pen from him. “Now, how ‘bout I show you all how it’s done.”

 

A few hours and several drinks later Draco, Blaise, Pansy and B.J. were the only ones left. Pansy put on _Annie Hall_ and they all huddled up in the living room. Blaise was curled up in Draco’s favourite armchair, B.J. and Draco were seated at opposite ends of the couch, and Pansy laid across it, her feet in B.J.’s lap, her head in Draco’s. 

Draco looked around. He was content. He had everything he needed. _Well, almost everything _he thought as he looked down, his hands trailing through Pansy’s soft raven hair. He remembered another night, from another lifetime, other fingers trailing through the blond hair of a man who didn’t exist anymore. He had been replaced by a happy, successful, confident man who was loved by his friends and, more importantly, himself. But the man that used to pet Draco tenderly, like he was something precious to be treasured, he was gone too.__

__He missed Harry every day. He wrote to him once, a few months ago. Once he felt like he had his life together and he finally had something to offer, once he finally felt he was worthy of the only man he’d ever really loved. He’d poured his heart out onto the page. He explained as best he could how he’d felt back then, the shame and self-doubt he’d cloaked himself in, and what had led him to that horrible night. He also shared what he’d accomplished and how despite it all, he still felt that something was missing. He told him that he loved him, that if Harry would just agree to see him, he would spend every minute of the rest of their lives trying to redeem himself._ _

__The letter was returned unopened and scrawled across the front in Harry’s messy handwriting were the words “Fuck off, Malfoy”._ _

__So, he was Malfoy again._ _

__Draco ached at the thought. He sent it again with a note attached imploring Harry to please just give him a chance to explain. The owl returned with a pouch containing the shredded remnants of his letter. One day, Draco got especially brave and tried to go to Harry’s flat, only to find that not only was the entire building warded against him, the wards were so strong they actually attacked him when he approached._ _

__The following day he received a letter from Harry’s solicitor informing him that Harry had filed for a keep-away order, alleging unwanted contact and harassment as his reason for the petition. He had further requested the expedition of the order citing Draco’s criminal record and his status as a known associate of the Death Eaters._ _

__Draco understood that Harry didn’t want to see him, but this... Harry had seen first hand how it broke him, had held him when he’d woken screaming and terrified from the nightmares of the things he’d been made to endure. Harry had wiped away his tears and told him it was all over, that the past didn’t define him, and that he believed in him._ _

__That night Draco bought a bottle of scotch and proceeded to drink and cry himself to sleep. It felt like a little part of him died. When he woke up the next morning, he vowed not to let it destroy everything he’d built. But he’d also closed a door inside of himself; he buried all thoughts of Harry and of love so deeply he hoped to never find them. He wouldn’t ever have that. He couldn’t, and wanting it would only hurt him. He had enough and he was content with that. He never told his friends what Harry had done. He didn’t think he could bear either their pity or their righteous indignation._ _

__Somehow they seemed to sense something had changed and by unspoken agreement they never spoke of Harry again. They had tried to set him up on a few dates. All the men they’d picked had been perfectly lovely, and they all seemed positively taken with Draco, but Draco smiled politely and declined their offers of a second date or drinks back at their place. All he needed were these peaceful, easy moments with with people he loved, basking in the nearly perfect life he’d made for himself._ _

__He shifted his body so he could lay down, curling up behind Pansy on the couch. He watched the movie and drifted off to sleep, delighting in what he had, and going over tomorrow’s specials in his head._ _

__\------------_ _

__“Lila! We got four more orders of the Bananas Foster French Toast special! I need your help on the other orders so I can focus on that. Dave, can you prep and cover her station?”_ _

__“Yes, Chef.”_ _

__Hudsons had been packed all morning and Draco was exhausted. Luckily it looked like it was starting to slow for a bit between the early bird rush and the morning after hangover crowd._ _

__As if on cue, B.J., Pansy and Blaise were led to a table near the kitchen. He’d left them early that morning still passed out in various positions all over his living room furniture._ _

__“Here’s the order for table seven,” Cy said, handing Draco the ticket. “Look at them, poor babies, bet they just woke up 10 minutes ago.”_ _

__“Amateurs.” Draco smirked. “Tell them not worry about ordering, I know what they want. I’ll get it started for them right now.” He looked down at the ticket. “Okay, I need an eggs Benedict, a Greek omelette and a full English!” He went back to work igniting the rum in his pan and letting the alcohol burn off, leaving perfectly sweet, caramelised bananas. He slid them onto his French toast, topped the dish with his homemade caramel syrup and amaretto whipped cream, then set them on the pass and began to start his next order. As he lit the rum on his next batch of bananas, a voice startled him._ _

__“Hey, Draco!” B.J. said brightly._ _

__“Jesus B.J.! Don’t startle a man while he’s working with fire!”_ _

__“Sorry, I was just wondering, could we get an extra plate of bacon for the table? Like, just a whole plate of bacon? I feel like that’s what I need this morning.”_ _

__

__“Yeah, sure. I’ll send it over. Why are you bothering _me_? Where were you raised? Do you not know how restaurants work?” he said with mild exasperation, and tried, but failed, at being angry as B.J. grinned at him. “Cy is your server, why don’t you bug him?” _ _

__“Because I like you more.” He winked and kissed the air as he folded his arms on the divider looking down at what Draco was preparing. “Oooh, that looks good!”_ _

__“Good, I’m glad you think so because it’s what you’re getting for breakfast. Now stop flirting with me and go sit down. You’ll get your bacon,” Draco said as he reached for a fresh pan. “I don’t know why I put up with you.”_ _

__“You put up with me because you love me.”_ _

__“Something like that,” Draco chuckled, “Now shoo! I’m busy.”_ _

__B.J. turned and headed back to his table. Draco watched him go as he whisked his caramel sauce. He turned back to his station, and only then did he see him. Standing at the host stand, only feet from where B.J. had just been, was Harry._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this weeks chapter! Chapter four will be up March 17th! Comments and Kudos welcome and adored! Thanks for reading! Also bonus points to people who


	4. Daggars in my Honor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Harry's sudden appearance at Hudson's Draco can't help but try to speak to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a song fic based on Criminal by Fiona Apple. I'd like to thank my brilliant Alpha/Beta/friend [Andithiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andithiel/pseuds/Andithiel) and to one of the best beta's I know [OllieMaye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bquery%5D=olliemaye)!
> 
>  
> 
>  It's Sunday again! Time to find out what happens when Draco see Harry again! 
> 
> This will not be abandoned! I am one chapter away from the ending and I promise a new chapter will be published every Sunday until the story is complete :)

Draco’s heart stopped. He hadn’t seen Harry in over a year. He was suddenly flooded with all the emotion he’d worked so hard to lock away: tenderness, yearning, passion, shame, grief, pain. 

Harry was perfectly still. His eyes were locked on Draco, his jaw tight, expression cold and unreadable.

“Harry…” Draco dropped the pan he was holding with a loud clatter, caramel sauce splattering onto his shoes. They stared at each other for what felt like ages, the tension vibrating between them, each caught in this interminable something.

The sound must have alerted the rest of the world, because suddenly it all came rushing back into focus, Lila beside him stooping to pick up the pan, clearly alarmed by his sudden immobility. The disruption in the kitchen also caught the attention of his friends and B.J. stood to go to him, “Draco are you—”

Harry looked over to B.J. and said, “I have to go.” And with that, he turned and fled out the front door. 

Draco whipped off his apron and rushed after him. Once outside, he saw Harry walking briskly toward what Draco knew was the nearest safe Apparition point. He didn’t even know what he was doing or what he expected to happen. He only knew that this man pulled at him like gravity and now that he’d seen him, he couldn’t just let him walk off.

“Harry! Wait!” He broke into a jog. He caught up and grabbed Harry’s arm to stop him. “Harry! I—“ 

Harry froze. Without turning he said, “Take your hands off me Malfoy or I’ll call the aurors.”

Draco pulled his hand back as if he’d been burned. “I’m sorry, I… why are you here?”

“I was hungry, I’d been hearing great things about this place’s brunch so I thought I’d check it out. Trust me, if I had any idea you worked here I’d have eaten cold takeaway.” Harry started walking again.

“I just wanted to talk to you Harry. Please, I—”

“You what? I don’t really give a shit.” Harry whirled around, his eyes blazing, “And why should I? I don’t even fucking know you. I thought I knew you when you were a teenager: a spoiled, evil jackass who liked hurting people.” Harry spat, “I thought I knew you a year ago, a manipulated child who became a man and was a funny, surprisingly sensitive lover.” Harry ran a hand through his messy hair looking frustrated, “But even then, I knew I wasn’t getting the whole picture. I knew there was _something_ else I wasn’t getting. There was more Draco in there I couldn’t reach, and I wanted to more than anything.” 

Harry’s voice grew quieter and he looked away, “And then, that night walking from the restaurant, you kissed me. And do you know what I thought?” Harry laughed mirthlessly and Draco’s heart ached, “I thought yes, there it is. There he is. I took him to dinner, and it was okay, and I was so nervous, but it was still perfect. And when you kissed me, it took my breath away. It was nothing like it had ever been before. You were bright, and bold and I felt like I was on fire. I had finally broken through. I thought, I have all of him now; he wants me, and he’s all mine. I looked you in the eye and you looked so desperate and beautiful, and I thought, finally, he’s all with me. I felt like I’d won the lottery. Little did I know that I should have been careful what I wished for.”

Draco’s eyes were burning, because at the time, that was exactly what that kiss had meant. He just didn’t think Harry had felt it too.

Harry’s eyes hardened, his jaw tightened and he clenched his fists. He looked as if he was ready to snap. “Do you know what I thought at the club when I turned around and found you gone? I lost my fucking mind. I thought you must have been kidnapped. Everyone told me to just forget it, that you’d probably just gone home or wandered off. But all I could think was, no, not my Draco, not after tonight, not after that kiss, not after he finally gave himself to me. I blamed myself for making you go on a date in public, worried someone had retaliated and I had been selfish when it was my job to protect you. I had just gotten everything I wanted and I was terrified I’d find you dead or in hospital.” Harry’s eyes flashed and he spat. “Well, I wish I had, because it turns out I was right the first time. You are a cold, selfish, manipulative bastard, Draco Malfoy.”

Draco felt as if he’d been slapped, but still, he persevered. He needed Harry to understand. “I can explain, you don’t—”

“No.” His voice cut with the sharp finality of a guillotine. “You lost the right to speak to me the moment I saw his hands on you. The _second_ I saw him inside of you.” 

Draco was dumbstruck.

“Goodbye, Malfoy.” With that, he turned down the alley. 

Draco heard a _crack_. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as he leaned against the wall.

What had he expected? Damnit. There was a reason he had shoved this all down and hidden it away. He had been so proud of himself, of his life, and now he felt waves of shame and self-hatred rolling over him and threatening to drag him back out to sea. No, he thought, he couldn’t go back there. Fuck, he wanted a cigarette. Stupid Pansy had made both he and B.J. quit. He pushed himself off the wall and walked back toward Hudson’s. With each step, he tried to shove Harry back into that box in his soul he hid him in. With each step, he tried to re-amputate all of his longing to be loved by a partner, his yearning to have someone who would always be by his side, on his team. Well, he just didn’t and he wouldn’t. That’s all there was to it. Time to move forward. He opened the door and stepped into Hudson’s. 

The pretty dark-haired hostess handed him a folded note, “Someone left this for you, Draco.”

“Thanks, Seema.” He smiled weakly, put it in his back pocket and proceeded to the kitchen. “Hey Lila, looks like you got my mess cleaned up. Sorry about that,” he said as he washed his hands and tied his apron on. 

“No worries, Chef. Is everything okay? We’re almost at the end of bruch service if you want to skive off a little early.”

“No, it’s ok. Have you gotten anything fired for table eight?”

“No, there was no ticket, Cy said you were handling it.”

 

“Yeah, good, okay. I’ll do that now. Can you do me a favour and fill a plate with bacon and send it out to them?”

“Bacon sir?”

 

“Yep. Okay, let’s get the rest of these people fed.” With that, Draco got back to work. He could feel his friends’ eyes on him. He looked up and saw that they obviously didn’t know if they should disturb him or not. He shook his head and gave a small smile. Cy arrived with their giant pile of bacon and Draco gave them a little salute and a wink before grabbing a new pan and beginning a fresh batch of bananas.

\------------

What a day, Draco thought as he shut the door to his flat behind him. Pans had wanted to come home with him, insisting they just put on _Billy Elliot_ , order a pizza. and eat ice cream out of the tub in their pyjamas. Normally, the idea of eating crap and watching his favourite movie would be appealing, but today he just wanted to have a glass of wine and be alone. It was quiet in his flat. He realised how rarely he was ever in it alone. He usually had people over, or he was only there long enough to eat and grab a bite before heading off somewhere. He liked the peaceful calm that had settled in around him now, and while part of him wished it could be accompanied by the pad of bare feet coming down the hall to give him a kiss and welcome him home, he knew he had to shake that off. 

He walked to the kitchen and uncorked a bottle of pinot noir. He poured himself a glass, grabbed the bottle and headed to the bathroom. He turned on the taps; the idea of a nice bath with his wine seemed like just the thing to help him shut down his mind so he could reboot the old Draco and soothe the aching need-monster within him back into dormancy.

He stripped off his shirt and ran a hand through his ruffled hair. As he stepped out of his pants and trousers, he noticed something fall from his back pocket. Bending over to retrieve the slip of paper. He saw it was the note Seema had handed him. He read it once, and then twice. _Jesus_. He finished his wine and poured himself another glass. Now he really needed this bath. He settled himself into the bath and put a warm cloth over his face. Just when he thought he had his life in order. He took a breath and tried to let it all fade away. As he sank deeper into the water he could almost forget the note on the counter.

_Draco, I think we need to talk. Meet Monday at Martha’s Coffee Shop, it’s the place just down the road from Hudson’s. You should know it. I’ll be there at 9am._

_HGW_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Hope you liked it! A bit short this week ;) but it was a natural ending place for this segment. See you next Sunday! Feel free to give me your thoughts! Or Not! Just grateful you are here. <3


	5. Not while I'm around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hermione does what she does, and takes care of Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank my brilliant Alpha/Beta/friend [Andithiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andithiel/pseuds/Andithiel) Once again and for always she is amazing. She is my best cheerleader and without her you wouldn't still be reading this. Also to one of the best beta's I know, I am unworthy of her talent, [OllieMaye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bquery%5D=olliemaye)!

As Draco walked to Martha’s he was mired down in a fog of anxiety and trepidation. He didn’t know what Granger could possibly want from him. If she wanted to murder him for what he’d done to Harry, surely she’d have done it by now. As it stood, he’d complied with Harry’s wishes once he made it clear he didn’t want to be contacted and stayed out of the way of all his friends and known haunts.

It wasn’t his fault that Harry had walked into his restaurant. Sure, he knew he shouldn’t have pursued him, but in that moment he hardly knew what he was doing. He was so overwhelmed by emotion that his body had seemed to move on its own. Despite his desperate attempts to purge himself of all his feelings of want for the man, there still remained a single thread, a vine rooted in his heart constantly reaching and searching for the nourishment Draco denied it. But when he saw Harry, that vine latched onto him as if he were the sun, blossoming and growing, sending pulses of emotion directly to Draco’s very core. When Harry walked away, he took with him the light and that neglected bit of Draco’s soul pulled him as surely and swiftly as a fish on a line. 

Draco knew it was wrong of him and he was prepared to meet a very protective, very pissed off Granger. He ordered his coffee and wished he could make it Irish. 

He took a seat across from her and greeted her genially. “Hello Granger, although I hear it’s Granger-Weasley now. Best wishes to you and your husband.” 

She looked him over with an appraising eye. “Thank you, Malfoy.”

He felt like he was being X-rayed, but he refused to crumble. “Well, as pleasant as it is to have a nice coffee in the morning, may I ask why you wanted to have this little chat?”

She set down her cup. “Why did you do it?” 

“Ah, yes. Well, I’m afraid that’s really none of your business,” Draco said, also setting aside his cup and leaning slightly back in his seat. “That is between Harry and I. I have tried to reach out to him but he has made his wishes clear in that regard. Let me just assure you that for what it’s worth, I never meant to hurt him and I have done everything he has asked of me since that awful night. I’m sure your intentions are pure, but I have worked very hard in the past year to regain some semblance of dignity and I will not sit here and be scrutinised or judged by you or anyone other than Harry.” Draco pushed himself back from the table, “I promise you, you never have to worry about him being hurt by me again.” He stood and turned to go, “I couldn’t bear it.” 

“That’s what I thought,” he heard her whisper behind him.

He froze.

“Draco, please sit down. I think we need to talk.” 

He turned slowly and looked at her. He didn’t see malice or contempt, only honest concern. He resumed his seat and waited for her to continue. 

“You have to understand, back then I wasn’t really around for Harry very much. There were the wedding plans, buying a flat, figuring out and starting careers. Everything was so hectic and Harry, well, he seemed fine most of the time. But I knew he was struggling a little. Then something changed with him. He seemed to brighten. Harry’s always been a bit...adrift. Nothing in his life has ever really felt like it was his, and he was always being pulled in one direction or another to be a symbol or a hero. Even the adults in his life manipulated him endlessly. I don’t think he ever thought he would live beyond the war and if he did, I don’t think he ever thought of what he would do.” She paused as she chewed her lip, “He’s always been a little emotionally stupid. I think maybe he figured he’d just move in with Ron and I and we’d all just play house and be teenagers forever..” 

She fidgeted in her seat. “But then, well with Ron and I, and don’t get me wrong, he was happy for us, but he sort of lost the only thing he could ever count on to just be his. But then you…”

It was Draco’s turn to fidget, but she continued, “He never really said much, I didn’t know why, but he was just different, content in a way he’d never had the luxury to be before. So, I’m sorry and you’re right; it isn’t my place, and I wouldn’t even ask if you’d seemed at all the way Ron and Neville seem to think you are. But you’re different too now, aren’t you?”

Draco looked away, unsure.

“Draco, I can see that you are, so if you wouldn’t mind, please will you tell me what happened? All I know is that one day Harry was over the moon, something about going to dinner, and the next he had locked himself in his flat and wouldn’t come out. He was like that for weeks. Nobody could get through to him. Hell, nobody could even get through the wards. Then, about a month later, he came out, walked right into the Burrow for Sunday supper one night and acted as if nothing had happened. If anyone asked he would ignore the question and either move on or leave the room.”

Draco felt a little ill again, and was more than a little wary, “You mean Neville didn’t tell you all about it?”

“No. From what I understand, he and Harry got into a big row and Harry made Neville swear never to say anything. I don’t know what Harry told him, but if you ask Neville about it he gets really angry and refuses to talk about it.”

“Merlin.” Draco said, thunderstruck. “I always wondered why…I mean the papers... and nobody ever...” Draco swallowed. “Look, Granger—”

“Hermione, please.” 

“Um, okay...Look, Hermione you have to understand, back then I...I was in a bad place. I had a terrible job, no real home, the Wizarding world hated me and I thought I was worthless. I didn’t think I mattered to him... not really, and I was just so scared of the day he’d leave me with nothing. Then there was this guy, a muggle, and he made me feel just like any other bloke not dirty or evil...and I cheated. I had sex with him Hermione, and Harry...he saw.”

Hermione put her hand to her mouth and gasped. “My god.”

“Yeah, so I understand why Harry’s threatened to call the Aurors if I contact him—”

“He what?” Her voice was hard and quiet.

“Yeah, he put out a keep-away order and used my Death Eater status to—” Hermione looked stricken “This was a mistake. I should go.” Draco got up and all but bolted out the door in an almost perfect imitation of Harry from the other day.

“Draco, stop.” A surprisingly strong hand grabbed his upper arm and twisted him around just outside the café.

“I swear, you boys.” She looked utterly frustrated, but her eyes bored into his. “Draco, I need you to answer me honestly. How do you feel about him now.”

“Why do you even bother asking? You know my credibility is shot! I was lucky to get the one chance I had!” He knew he shouldn’t raise his voice but this was too much.

“Draco answer me please,” she replied calmly.

“What do you want me to say Hermione? I’m not like you! You’ve always been so good, so perfect! You’ve always known what to say, so tell me, what would an angel say? The devil wants to know.” His voice was dripping with contempt and sarcasm. It was petty and he was lashing out to protect himself like he had as a child, but some habits die hard.

Hermione didn’t even bat an eyelash. “Don’t flatter yourself, you aren’t slick enough to be the devil. Just tell me the truth.”

Draco deflated. He looked away and said simply, “I love him. I’m in love with him. I think I always will be.” He refused to meet her gaze. “Can I go now?”

“Yes.” She released his arm. “Take care of yourself, Draco.” 

He walked away, tucking his hands into his pockets, grateful this conversation was over and praying he could put Harry behind him once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a few things for you folks that have been reading along. Can you spot the reference I've made for Draco's restaurant and the coffee shop down the street? Also, there have been lyrics from the song this fic was written about peppered in in each chapter. I hope you enjoyed them and that they weren't too obnoxious. ;) Join us next week for the resolution of some of this angst... All my love! 
> 
> Kristinabird


	6. Gravity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco and Harry meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a song fic based on Criminal by Fiona Apple. I'd like to thank my brilliant Alpha/Beta/friend [Andithiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andithiel/pseuds/Andithiel) Without her encouragement and ear to bounce my thoughts off of none of this would be here. :)
> 
> So without further ado, it's SUNDAY AGAIN!!!

“I hate you” 

Draco lost again.

It was a drowsy Thursday morning and B.J. was winning at Mario Kart.They were supposed to be adults, but here they were, yelling at each other because B.J. used Donkey Kong to shove Toad into the water while making a turn on the Royal Raceway and it had cost Draco the Star Cup.

“I win! You’re making breakfast.”

Draco was an adult, and somehow he was spending his off mornings playing a 10 year old video game with his best friend.

“I was making breakfast anyway arsehole, you can’t cook.” Draco said, running his fingers through his hair as he stood to fish through the fridge.

B.J. laughed. “Yeah, but it's better this way. At least I feel like I earned it.” 

“Earned what?“ He turned on the kettle, “I ought to charge you rent for the nights you spend kipped on my couch. Not to mention, these are _my_ groceries. The least you could do is learn to do a decent fry-up”

The doorbell rang. “Can you get that please? I'm fucking exhausted.” 

“In just my pyjama bottoms?” 

“Yes, I’m sure who ever it is will be blinded by your beauty and run for the hills. Answer the fucking door. I have a headache.”

“Hi,” Draco heard a familiar voice and stiffened. 

“Morning.” B.J. lost some of his mirth but remained pleasant. “I assume you’re here for Draco.”

Draco turned around and saw Harry eyeing him, standing there in just his pants and vest.

“Yeah,” Harry stiffened and turned bright red. “But I think maybe this was a mistake. Sorry.” 

“Not so fast,” B.J. stopped him. “You stay right there.” 

He quickly tossed his pyjama bottoms into the corner and threw on his trousers and T-shirt, “I ought to get going anyway.”

He ruffled his hair and returned to Harry with an outstretched hand. Harry took it, but he looked as though the touch burned him. “The name’s Benjamin Allman, my friends call my B.J.” He leaned in. “You can call me Benjamin. Don’t you dare hurt him.”

He turned back to Draco, “Call me if you need me.” And then, he was gone.

Draco stared motionless at Harry.

Then he realised he had a pan of butter melting on the stove, eggs in one hand, sausage in the other and the soundtrack to Mario Kart blaring from his television. 

He rushed to set everything down, turn off the burner and mute the telly, feeling much more composed.

Then he looked down and realised he was still in his pants and a vest. At least they were boxer briefs, he thought.

“Why are you here?”

Harry stood transfixed as he gazed around the flat.

“How do you even know where I live?” 

Harry just continued to stare, looking at everything from the game night trophy, his posters of Muggle films, to the photos of him and his friends that adorned the walls and end tables.

“Fuck it, I’m not having a conversation standing in my flat in my pants. Have a seat and shut the door behind you.”

Draco walked calmly down the hall and into his bedroom. He shut the door behind him and rushed to his closet grabbing a pair of dark denims and that tight, deep purple, V-neck T-shirt Pansy swore he looked hot in. He looked in his mirror and ran his fingers through his hair hoping it looked casual. He took a breath and stepped out. 

“Tea, Potter?” He said as he sauntered into the kitchen and poured water from the kettle.

“If you don’t mind.” Harry looked up from a photo of Draco sandwiched between B.J. and Pans, a kiss on each cheek, at their New Year’s party. 

He looked as beautiful as ever, both hands in the pockets of his rich black trousers, and Merlin, he was wearing that green button-up...

Draco made the tea just the way Harry liked it and gestured for them to take a seat. 

They sat in silence for a moment, Harry still mesmerised by Draco’s home, till Draco finally said, “This isn’t a trap is it? You aren’t going to call the aurors are you?” Draco smirked “Because B.J. will testify that you came here first.”

“No,” Harry chuckled. “I…” He set his cup down. “Hermione said I needed closure.”

“Ah,” Draco set his cup down as well. “Well, whatever your friends say must be true.” 

Harry flinched.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn't have said that.” 

Silence hung in the air, till Draco finally said, “She’s a good woman, she really loves you. You’re lucky.” 

“Yeah, I guess I am.” He set his cup down.” You are too. You look happier now than you ever did with me. He seems nice. I’m glad you found him.”

Draco was a bit perplexed, “Yeah, me too.” 

Harry got up to leave, but Draco put an arm out to stop him.

“Why didn’t the papers know, Harry? I always wondered. Everyday... Why weren’t there howlers and curses everywhere I went? Why didn’t the press hound my mother? You filed paperwork with the Ministry, how did that never get out? Why doesn’t even Hermione know?”

Harry paused and looked away. 

“I used my name and influence at the Ministry to have those records sealed. As to the other… only three people know about that. You, me and Neville.” He chuckled darkly, looking over at a picture of B.J., “I guess four technically, but I made Neville swear an Unbreakable Vow.” 

“What?” Draco choked, it was such an extreme measure. “Why?” 

Harry closed his eyes. 

“Because, I may hate you for what you did,” he said as he looked at Draco, green eyes blazing, “but I couldn’t bear watching you be spit on and beaten on my account. I couldn’t allow people to tear you apart publicly and vivisect every of second of what we had. That—that was too important to me, and you—I didn't want you hurt.”

Draco took him by the wrist. 

“Thank you. You didn’t have to. But if you hadn’t… I don’t think I would have had this chance.” Draco bit his lip and looked into those deep, sincere eyes. “ I wouldn’t be here today. Not many people would have done that for me.”

Harry’s eyes were suddenly so sweet, so gentle, and so sad. He looked so…and there it was... that damned pull...

Draco kissed him. 

His lips met Harry's and the world stopped as he breathed him in. Then suddenly Harry was kissing him back, desperate and hungry. Harry pushed his hands into Draco’s hair and Draco almost cried with longing and relief, it felt like coming home. He moaned into Harry’s mouth and Harry cupped his face, snaking a hand around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer. Harry began to tremble as he whined and tangled his fist in Draco’s shirt. Then he shoved him back violently. 

FUCK. Draco’s back hit the wall and his hand flew to his mouth.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

“Damn right, you shouldn’t. Nothing has changed with you, has it? God, I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“What? What are you talking about?” 

“Molly always says, once a cheater always a cheater.”

“Wha—“

“You fucking bastard. I see the way that guy looks at you. He’s just as protective as I was. He loves you just like I did and you would just do this to him too. You piece of shit.”

“B.J.?”

“Yes, fucking B.J., the man with his arm around you in Diagon the day you quit? A few fucking weeks after…that night. Merlin, you didn’t waste any time did you? The man I saw doting on you at brunch? The man I caught you fucking? THAT B.J., your boyfriend, ring a bell? God I should have fucking known…” He paced away, nearly growling. 

“B.J.’s not my—” 

“Don’t fucking lie to me! He’s all over your flat!” Harry gestured to B.J.’s discarded pyjama bottoms and at the photos on the wall. “You were both sitting around half-naked on a Thursday morning. I’m not fucking stupid! Look, Hermione told me you were different and that I should come over and get to know you again.Turns out you're still the same lying piece of shit. You cheated on me, now you’re just as happy to cheat on him. Have a nice life, arsehole.” 

Harry reached the door when Draco finally exploded. 

“FUCK YOU HARRY POTTER!”

“Of course B.J. is protective of me! Of course he loves me! B.J. picked me up off the ground the night I broke us. And yes, I _said_ I take full responsibility for that. He didn’t know I had a boyfriend, he was just on the pull, but he cleaned me up got us a cab and brought me to Pans. He could have left me half-naked and bleeding in the street. Oh! By the way I spent a couple months sleeping in her bed, I see her naked constantly! B.J. sleeps here a couple nights a week because we’re friends and we enjoy each others company. Intimacy between people you love doesn’t equate a sexual partnership, you judgemental prat. I’ve learned a lot about love in the past year. B.J. and Pansy loved me enough to notice how broken I was, how hurt and unhealthy and fucked up I was. It only took him one day to notice what you ignored for six months. I didn’t think you fucking cared. I thought I was a pretty toy to you.”

Harry blanched. 

“I was afraid to go outside. I didn't have a life. All I had was you, a basement full of goblins, and shame. But you never noticed. B.J. has never made me feel that way. He made me realise I needed to be me and be proud of it.He encouraged me to make something more of myself. You were content to just ignore what didn’t fit into your fantasy of a perfect life, and I was dying, Harry!”

Harry stumbled and looked both angry and hurt. “Then why don't you fuck B.J.?”

“Because I’m not in love with B.J., you arsehole!”

Harry was silent for a moment. Then he said in a low voice, “I’m sorry. I really didn’t know.”

“How could you not know?”

“You never said anything. how was I supposed to know? You always acted like everything was fine.”

“Harry, we’re talking in circles. I’m sorry. You will never know how much I regret what I did to you. The second I saw your face, I would have given anything to take it back. In some ways though, I’m glad it happened.”

Harry looked up sharply.

“I wouldn’t be where I am now if it hadn’t, and I will never regret that. The man you knew was no kind of partner. Not really. You’d never have been happy with him long-term. But...” Draco swallowed. “But don’t think I didn’t love you.”

Harry looked confused and dismayed. Then something shifted. He stood up a little taller, took a deep breath and said, “Right.” 

There was a loud _crack_ and he was gone. 

“Right indeed,” Draco mumbled. He looked at the clock.10:30. Fuck Pansy’s gran’s rules; he went to the cupboard and poured himself a double scotch. He leaned against the counter and closed his eyes. He’d lost so much and he’d paid and paid and paid. When would this just be over?

_Crack_

Harry reappeared, eying Draco and his scotch, looking concerned. 

“Show me.”

“What?”

Draco looked down and realised Harry was holding out a pensieve. 

“Please. I need to know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO much for being here. I've been a reader/lurker in the fanfic community for 17 years and I NEVER thought I'd be able to write anything of my own. All your love and encouragement means the world to me. Also high five to anyone who spent their mornings playing MarioKart64. I ALWAYS play as toad, If I can't be toad, I don't play. I use his lightweight as an advantage in several places, but my brother always uses it to knock me around, because he's the worst.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this weeks chapter, as always, I'd love to hear your thoughts :) but just you being here is more than enough. 
> 
> See you next Sunday!


	7. The Other Side of the Looking Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry sees their time together from Draco's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot overstate how much my Alpha/Beta/friend [Andithiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andithiel/pseuds/Andithiel) helps keep me right and keeps me motivated. Not to mention her influence on the story as it's being created. Also to one of the best beta's I know, I am unworthy of her talent, [OllieMaye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bquery%5D=olliemaye), She makes this thing shine. And this week I was feeling a bit frustrated so I have another friend to thank, [TrishJames](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trishjames/pseuds/trishjames)
> 
> Now to business. I have good news and I have bad news. And I suppose that all depends on what you interpret as good and bad. The bad news is that this story isn't complete this week. The good news is that there will be a bit more to love. I swear, I'm not one of those authors that plans on continuing to write and hold you hostage forever as I expand plot points for comments and attention. I just realized this wasn't at its natural end yet. There will be one more chapter and an epilogue. 
> 
> So enjoy this week's installment. More notes at the end.

Harry stood holding the Pensieve in outstretched arms, wondering what Draco would do. He knew it was unfair of him to ask. He should have walked away. This should all have been over a year ago, and yet it never seemed far from his mind. 

Draco had said that he’d been depressed, hurt and afraid that he didn’t mean anything to Harry, but how could he have possibly thought that? If he was telling the truth, then what he’d done was wrong, but Harry certainly had no right to ask this of him. Strip himself bare and hand over his most vulnerable memories to someone that had hurt him? He should be allowed to bury them and let them go.

But Harry _had_ to know. All this time what had hurt was that he couldn’t believe that what he’d felt for Draco was a lie, that someone could create such a callously convincing mockery of open, easy vulnerability and safety, of tender, gentle, easy intimacy, of love and home. He couldn’t believe he’d been wrong all those months. But then, that night, it seemed one moment Draco was on him, passionate and wanting, and then Harry had turned his back for what felt like a second and then found him getting fucked by a stranger in an alley by a skip. He could never reconcile those two things with the same man, and if he’d been that wrong once, how could he ever trust his feelings and instincts again? 

Draco looked up at him. He looked tired, resigned, nothing like the laughing Draco he’d heard through the door earlier. Harry was about to take back his request. He had no right. Then Draco finished his drink and silently took the Pensieve from Harry. He set it on the table, took a seat, leaning forward with his head in his hands. His hair fell down past his eyes as he took a soft breath. He stared thoughtfully into the empty basin, presumably selecting which memories to include. 

Slowly he began to pull gossamer strands from his temple and place them carefully into the Pensieve. He bit his lip, then slid it over, not meeting Harry’s eyes.

Harry took a seat, took a breath, and leaned forward into the swirling chaos of Draco’s memories. 

\-----------  
At first he was disoriented by the flashing lights and the loud beat. He shook his head and tried to find Draco amidst the writhing bodies pressed all around, but as he searched, the first thing he saw was himself. He was laughing and dancing. God he looked hot; he looked positively like sex on legs. Is that the way he looked when he danced? It should be illegal. Then he remembered, he saw the world around him the way it appeared to Draco. He looked to his left and caught sight of the blond, drink halfway to his lips, suddenly frozen. He looked both aroused and frightened at the same time. 

The world shifted slightly and suddenly they were outside the club. He remembered now: he had confronted Draco. “Don’t you dare sell this story to _The Prophet_ , Malfoy.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I wasn’t planning on it.” 

Draco had gone to leave, and Harry had asked, “Why are you even here?”

He watched Draco’s eyes go a bright and sharp silver. “Why is anybody here? I wanted to get laid. I come to Muggle clubs because here, I can be anybody. I wanted to forget who I was and be with somebody who didn’t care. I wanted to feel good, even if it was just for right now.”

Harry watched himself swallow deeply, and he watched something change. 

“That’s what you want, too, isn’t it? I won’t tell if you don’t.”

Draco had pulled him slowly and gently into the alley beside the club and Harry had fucked him. He remembered being nervous, but wanting it. When it was over and Draco was putting himself back together, he’d panicked. 

“I meant what I said. I won’t tell.” Draco reassured him. 

Harry had nodded and Disapparated. But now he watched Draco lean his head against the wall and pull out a cigarette. As Draco exhaled, the smoke seemed to blow the memory away and time shot forward.  
\-----------

This time Harry knew where he was. He was in his flat. It was morning; he looked around and saw them asleep in bed. Draco was half-asleep, reaching a hand into Harry’s hair. Harry stirred, and he could see Draco wake with a start. He looked around, seemingly afraid for a moment, then looking over to Harry and relaxing. He ran a finger over Harry’s temple and down the side of his cheek, studying him. Harry realised this must have been the first night he’d brought Draco home. 

When Harry began to wake, Draco laid back down, pretending to be just rousing himself. 

Harry heard himself murmur something about breakfast. 

“Isn’t there a coffee shop or something down the street?”

“Too many people.” Harry yawned.

“Yeah, guess so. Maybe we can make something.” Draco looked a little disappointed, but also a little pleased as he tucked himself back in beside a sleepy Harry. 

\-----------

Harry was in Diagon Alley. It looked to be early evening. Harry was never in Diagon anymore, not if he could avoid it. He tried to get his bearings. He could see Gringotts, The Magical Menagerie, Flourish and Blott’s...Then he heard a woman shriek in the direction of Mulpepper’s. He turned to see Draco walking out of the shop with his purchases, clearly just running an errand after work. 

“YOU!” 

Draco looked around surprised and then resigned when he caught sight of the witch.

“What are YOU doing here! Out in public with us decent folk!”

“I’m just picking up some things for my mother,” Draco murmured as he tried to pass. 

People started to turn and pay attention as the woman continued to shout. “A likely story! I know what your father did! I know who you are! If only Harry Potter were here! He’d deal with the likes of you!” 

Harry could sense the tension build in the street as Draco hurried as quickly as he could to the nearest Apparition point. 

\-----------

It was another morning in Harry’s flat. Draco was making breakfast and with all the clanging and spitting it sounded like he was engaged in a battle.

“Are we certain bacon isn’t a magical food?”

“Pretty sure luv, why?

“Because it’s the only food I’ve ever tried to cook that fights back!” There was a hiss and a pop followed by a yelp from Draco as grease spat from the pan onto his hand. He was also cooking a pot of beans and slicing tomatoes as he stared at another pan that presumably was frying eggs. 

“Also how do you know when the eggs are done? I tried to get one out, but then the yolk ran everywhere and I had to start over!”

Harry chuckled. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go out for breakfast? It’d be much easier.”

Draco looked anxious. “No.”

He flipped the bacon, and it erupted in a shower of sizzling oil as Draco yelped. “If that muggle on the telly can do it, I can do it. It’s not very different from potions in some ways, it’s just new, that’s all.” He looked determined to master this.

“Well, if you want a hand, I’m actually quite good at cooking. My aunt taught me.”

“Oh.” Draco smiled weakly, but accepted the help. “That sounds nice.” 

“It wasn’t, actually.” Harry kissed him on the cheek and Draco looked relieved when Harry took a position next to him and began to give him some tips.

\-----------

Harry looked around again. He wasn’t sure where he was exactly. It seemed to be a garden, a rather lovely one. It could have used a bit of maintenance, but it was clearly well-loved. He turned to see an anxious, vaguely nauseated Draco speaking to a house-elf. 

“Can you tell her to please hurry? I’m sorry Tilly, but she always does this.”

“Yes, Master Draco, Tilly will tell her. Should I bring the tea?”

“Yes please Tilly, thank you.”

The elf Disapparated with a pop. Draco walked through glass double doors and into a tidy solarium. 

Harry followed and saw Narcissa Malfoy enter through the doors to what must be the main house of Malfoy Manor, just as Tilly deposited a full service on the table in front of him. 

“Darling! Why didn’t you meet me in the hall?” she smiled, ever the gracious hostess.

“You know why, mother.” Draco’s tone was clipped. 

“Yes, but sweetheart, you know how your father prefers a more formal luncheon in the dining room.”

“Mother. I am not going to have this conversation again.”

“My dear, I just think it’s a bit silly, this refusal to enter your own home.”

Draco took a seat and poured himself a cup of tea, manners be damned. 

“You should wait for your father, dear.” 

“Not today. I’m sorry.” He added sugar, stirring vigorously with one hand as he grabbed and bit into a scone with the other. 

“I’m sorry,” she said as she sat, dropping some of her cheerful pretence and pouring her own tea. “This isn’t easy.”

“No. It isn’t. But thank you for understanding.”

Narcissa suddenly looked more human than Harry had ever seen her, her shoulders relaxed, her expression softened, and the pretense she always wore around her like a cloak was suddenly gone. She took a sip and crossed her ankles. 

“This is never what I wanted for you. I gambled everything I could to keep you alive, but I never thought about what it would be like for you later.” She looked at him with earnest, loving eyes. “It was too late by the time I realised where I had gone wrong. But now—” She bit her lip and looked away. “I don’t know what else I can do to make it better for you.” 

Draco looked surprised by this sudden admission from his mother. 

“You know, I think I can still make a betrothal for you with a lovely girl from the Greengrass family. Our name would benefit them and there are two sisters. We still have enough for a relatively decent dowry, we could get you and a wife started in great-grandmother’s estate in France—”

“Mother, please.” He was biting his tongue.

“Draco, whatever it is. If I can give it to you—” She was nearly pleading.

“I’M GAY!” he shouted, so loudly he could hear an approaching house-elf trip and drop a tray. 

“Oh.” The silver continued to rattle. 

“Yes.” Silence fell and then his mother spoke. 

“Well that does...complicate things, but—”

“But what, mother?” Draco was a bit incredulous.

Narcissa looked up at her son. “But maybe we could find a nice...boy...for you. If that’s what you want.”

Draco looked stunned. 

“I always thought maybe...but it doesn’t matter to me. As long as he’s a good person.”

 

“Have you met someone?” She seemed to have noticed something in Draco’s face.He blushed and squirmed in his seat.

“I don’t know mother. Perhaps.” 

Narcissa quirked an eyebrow. Harry would know that eyebrow quirk anywhere and he smiled. 

“Is he a good man? Is he intelligent? Does he love you?”

“Yes, he’s an exceptionally good man, one of the finest and bravest and kindest.” He smiled. “As to intelligence, no, he’s a bit of an idiot. He tends to get by on bravery and sheer dumb luck, I think.”

Narcissa laughed. “What’s his name? Does he love you?”

Draco frowned and looked thoughtful. He was about to speak when he was interrupted.

“Mistress Narcissa, Mastor Malfoy is here for his tea!”

Tilly bowed low as two house-elves levitated Lucius Malfoy into the room and deposited him into the chair opposite Narcissa. 

Draco stilled. 

“Thank you, Tilly,” Narcissa said warmly as the empty shell of Draco’s father stared at them blankly from across the table. 

\-----------

Harry could hear the pulsating rhythm from inside the club as he stood on the pavement. He looked around. He knew he and Draco had to be around here somewhere.

“How was lunch with your mum?” He turned around and saw himself with an arm wrapped posessively around Draco’s waist as they approached the building.

“Good. It was fine.” Draco wiggled away and brought them to a stop, facing Harry. “Look, are you sure this is a good idea? Did you tell them who you were bringing?” 

“Yeah, ‘course I did. It’ll be fine.” Harry leaned in to kiss Draco on the forehead. “Just relax, you’re with me. They aren’t going to say anything.”

Harry noticed now that Draco didn’t look reassured. He watched his own gaze search the room as they entered and, in his excitement to see his friends, let his hand drop. He watched Draco slowly approach as people eyed him warily and then stand awkwardly until Harry reached back and grabbed him, pulling him forward into the crowd. Draco looked terrified. Well, he looked terrified to someone that knew Draco. To the outside world, he looked stiff and cold, but Harry wasn’t even looking at him. _What are you doing?!_ he wanted to screech as he watched himself flit from friend to friend, dragging Draco along like terrified prey in the lion's den. Draco smiled and nodded, and people eyed him warily. He held out a hand occasionally and was greeted cordially. Draco looked relieved when Harry finally left him to sit on his own. 

Harry had been right. They hadn’t said anything. But he hadn’t done anything to make it easier for Draco. He was agonised as he watched himself chatting with Dean and Parvati, and turned to see Draco looking very much like he’d rather disappear. 

Several hours passed before Harry came back to him and collected him like he was picking up a child from daycare. 

Merlin, he’d always thought he’d tried to do more? Hadn’t he?

The look on Draco’s face was sheer relief as they made their rounds to say goodnight. 

\-----------  
They were back in Harry’s flat again. He looked over and saw the wreckage of tikki masala, butter chicken, samosas, and garlic naan on the coffee table. Draco snuggled against his chest as they watched Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen.

“I could do that.”

“Hmm,” Harry murmured against his hair. “You think so?”

“If I knew where to start, maybe.” Draco looked thoughtful. “I don’t know, maybe not. It’s like potions in a way, but I’d be lost in that world.” He smiled. ”What would you do if you lived as a muggle?” 

Harry looked thoughtful. “I dunno, I guess the same as what I want as a wizard, what I’ve always wanted: get married, buy a house, raise a family, maybe do outings and be a club leader for the kids’ groups, Sunday family supper at the Weasleys’, get a dog, the whole suburban family thing.” Harry sighed and kissed the top of Draco’s hair. 

From this angle, from the outside, Harry could see sadness on Draco’s face. He watched Draco reach up and pull him down into a tender, sweet kiss. He pulled back and kissed Harry’s cheek, reaching his hand down to his trousers. “That sounds really nice, Harry.” Draco had unbuttoned his trousers and pulled his cock out, stroking him gently before placing a sweet, chaste kiss on the glistening tip. “That sounds really good.” He then leaned down again, lapping at the precome and slowly swirling his tongue around the head. Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as Draco swallowed him down.

Harry began to buck up into his mouth, his eyes focusing on Draco as he watched in awe as he fingered himself open. 

He let Harry’s cock go. 

“How ‘bout we just worry about right now?” 

He stood and led Harry to the bedroom. 

This all looked different than he remembered it, Harry thought. Draco was lying down on the bed with his legs spread wide, and he saw himself crawling on top of him. He saw himself reaching for lube and asking if he could put himself inside. He saw Draco nodding yes. Once he was in and moving, he watched Draco’s legs wrap around Harry’s waist, his hand clutching his back, the other tangled in his hair and his face buried in Harry’s neck and he was whimpering as Harry took him. “Yes, please, please, take me, I want you, fuck I want you.”

He was crying. He wasn’t protesting, but he was crying, At the time, Harry had thought those pants and sobs were from desperate excitement. But this was different. Draco sounded pained and heartbroken. He had been wrong.

Oh fuck, he had been wrong. 

He watched himself speed up as Draco clawed desperately at his back, grasping his arse and helping slam Harry’s hips against his. He saw himself come, pushing himself in to the hilt with a groan and shuddering as he filled Draco with everything he had. Draco kissed his cheek, his jaw, his shoulder and nuzzled into his neck again as Harry grew soft inside him and fell asleep. 

\-----------

Fuck no. He knew where he was and he didn’t want to see this. Draco was looking for a lighter and that arsehole showed up. This must be that day. Harry could see it from the instant he walked outside. Draco took the light and smiled. He had to see how much this man wanted him, and he just stood there chatting away. Harry was fucking livid. He didn’t want to see the next part; he was about to pull out of the Pensieve, when Draco put out his cigarette and walked back inside. 

What?

Wasn’t this this the night Draco had fucked that arsehole?

\-----------

He was on the pavement outside...was this Angelo’s? He saw himself and Draco waiting for a table. Draco looked sweet. A bit frightened, but pleased. He followed them to the table. He watched himself look like a lovestruck idiot. How could he look that goofy? 

Oh yes, this was the way Draco saw him. Although, if he thought about it, it seemed about right. 

Either way, why were they watching _this_? Nothing interesting happened here. 

Then he saw it. Anthony Goldstein had clearly been hitting on him. Of course this stuck out in Draco’s mind. 

Then he felt dizzy, assaulted by too many words and feelings all at once. He could see Anthony talking to Draco, but only caught bits and pieces…

_...you murderous piece of shit_

_...chasing a man who is obviously too good for you_

_...You belong in Azkaban. Or better yet, an empty fucking shell. I hear that’s how your mummy got old Lucius back._

_...Harry’ll figure out what you are soon enough, once he’s had his fill of that pretty arse of yours. Glad you’re good for something_

_...You’re a criminal and you deserve to suffer for your sins.  
_

He saw spit on leather—he saw himself, green eyes leading him outside—he heard Draco’s thoughts.

 _I don’t deserve this, I can’t keep this, I want it, I’m taking it just for now…while I can_.

He saw himself pushed against glass. He saw that kiss: the kiss that had been burned into his mind from the moment it happened. 

_Remember this: remember how much he wants you. Harry Potter wants you. Remember this while it lasts_.

He saw the club. He saw Lee leaping on him in greeting. 

_He can have anybody_.

He saw _Him_ winking at Draco. He felt the despair. Merlin, this was too much. His head was pounding, but he followed as Draco walked outside. 

He watched as _he_ began to touch Draco, to loosen him and Draco was saying, “make me feel good...make me forget…”

Make him forget what? Merlin, no. 

Draco was begging. He didn’t look happy, but he wanted it. 

Then Harry heard words that were eerily familiar, “One good thing, just for right now.”

He wanted to throw up. Draco was being taken in an alley by someone far kinder than he had been when he’d first had him, all because Harry hadn’t been enough to keep him from ending up back where he had started. 

He heard shouting and saw pavement. 

He felt Draco’s guilt, his shame, his regret, his dispair. _I didn’t know he loved me, I thought I was just a toy, I didn’t know, I’ve broken the only thing I wanted in this world, what have I done?_

Harry watched numbly as this kind man picked him up, checked his injuries, brought him home. 

FUCK. 

Harry hadn’t even worried about what had happened to Draco after he’d been beaten in an alley. 

Time passed, and he felt rather than saw a blur of laughter, friends, a career, pride….

 

Harry pulled out of the Pensieve with a gasp. 

When he looked over at Draco, his heart clenched. Draco was curled up on the sofa, his hair falling across his forehead, and legs pulled up to his chest. A tumbler of scotch is clenched in his right hand as he stared blankly out the window. 

“If you’re satisfied, can you go now, please?” Draco asked quietly, never drawing his gaze away from the window. 

Harry flinched, a flurry of emotions rolling in the pit of his stomach. He ran a hand through his hair – he wanted to say something, anything to Draco to let him know that he understood now. 

But with the weight of that admission at the forefront of his mind, panic overcame him, and he took a step back from both Draco and the Pensieve. He instead turned on his heel and Apparated.

Once back to his flat, he began to pace.

Draco had hurt him. Simple. 

But had he spent too long feeling justified in his hatred towards Draco? Had he really ignored the pain and worry Draco carried on his shoulders for the length of their relationship? Harry fisted his fingers through hair and threw himself onto the nearest armchair. 

He’d loved Draco, and it made him sick to his stomach to finally realise just how hurt Draco had been back then. 

 

This was enough. It had to be enough. They were toxic to each other. They had tried. They had failed. He wanted, but he couldn’t have him anymore…too much had happened. 

They'd hurt each other enough. They needed this wound to heal. No matter how much he wanted to, he’d never contact Draco Malfoy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for still being here! Or for joining us!
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts if you'd like to share them. I hope you aren't too disappointed by the lack of an ending this week. Also, I think I should address that Draco made a mistake that was his own fault. He admits to that. Harry made some mistakes that hurt Draco. These boys were idiots in an unhealthy relationship. But I think maybe, just maybe there is something that can be salvaged if they can get their heads out of their own asses. 
> 
> See you next Sunday friends.


	8. Should I Stay or Should I Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a month since Harry apparated away from Draco without a word. Now he has to sort out what to do from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter began by frustrating me to no end, but then quickly began to fall into a place I really love. For a while there I was afraid I wouldn't get this finished on time, but all your love made me determined not to let you guys down. :) I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> A massive thank you to my Alpha/Beta/friend [Andithiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andithiel/pseuds/Andithiel), she is the encouragement and focus my brain needs when I get stuck and frustrated. Another thanks this week to [TrishJames](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trishjames/pseuds/trishjames) who was a great help when I was stressed and trying to get this ready for ya'll on time. And as always to the best beta and punctuation wrangler I know, [OllieMaye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bquery%5D=olliemaye)

“I’m not moping Hermione!” Harry said to the tiny flame in the shape of Hermione sitting in the centre of a stylish lantern on his counter. It had been a rather clever invention of hers. She had noticed that with an overwhelming number of wizarding youths moving into urban flats that didn’t have fireplaces, there was a growing communication problem. This mobile lantern enabled Floo could be moved about the flat, and it was an especially convenient way for young wizards and witches to stay in touch with more traditional wizards, who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) adapt to muggle technology. Harry secretly thought the main reason she’d created it was to keep Molly from continuously popping up unannounced after she and Ron had gotten married, but Harry kept that notion to himself. 

“Really?” She was clearly not buying it, he thought, as he put on the kettle and searched through his kitchen for his least dirty mug. 

“Really Hermione, I’ve just been busy!”

“Oh! Busy! I see! Busy with what pray tell? Because you haven’t been working overtime, you haven’t been out with Ron and I for lunch in ages, you haven’t been to the Weasley’s, you missed Lee’s birthday…”

Merlin, he thought as he tuned her out. He peered into the bottom of a plain white mug. It only had a little brown tint from the dregs of this mornings (maybe yesterday’s?) tea. He blew in it to make sure there wasn’t any dust just in case and squinted. It looked okay so he put his teabag in the cup and waited for the water to boil. 

“...AND you certainly haven’t been tidying! Merlin Harry! It looks like a bomb went off in there! Look, I’m not trying to nag you, it’s just...”

He looked around. His flat was fine, functional...sofa here, telly there, a fridge full of cold takeaway. True he had jumpers, trainers, napkins, and abandoned glasses strewn about the place but it’s not like there was anyone to impress.

Then he recalled Draco’s flat. How tidy it was, how much it looked like a home. Draco’s flat had photos of friends, area rugs, and that weird trophy thing in the corner. Draco had cords from his game console attached to his TV, he had coats his friends had forgotten slung on his coat hook, a fridge full of ingredients, and actual homemade food that _he_ made. 

Harry ached to be a part of that. To come home to that flat and to belong there. Maybe some nights he’d shower, dress and pop down the road to Hudson’s for dinner. He imagined what it would be like watching Draco’s face light up and wink as Harry took a seat where he could watch him work, confident and in his element. He’d meet Draco’s friends and listen to them rave about Draco’s culinary skills. Harry would listen to them gush while trying to keep his eyes off that radiant blond hair, and that graceful body as he wove through his kitchen with ease. Then maybe he’d go home and wait for Draco to stumble in at the end of a long night. Harry would have a glass of wine ready for Draco and their favorite show queued up on the telly. They’d sit and Harry would rub Draco’s feet while Draco listened to him talk about his day. 

He wondered what it would be like, waking up next to this new Draco. This bold, bright creature who he now realized was so unlike the muted, withdrawn man he had known. Harry had always known there was more to Draco. He could sense it, even when they were happy, laughing watching telly, or having a lie-in, Draco seemed content and his smiles were sincere, but there had been something missing. He’s a fool for not saying anything to Draco then about it. 

Not anymore, he thought, remembering the smile on Draco’s face as he laughed at Hudson’s, how sparkling and alive he’d looked in the photos with his friends. 

Harry hadn’t been able to do that for him. 

“HARRY! Are you even listening to me!”

“Yeah, yeah ‘Mi. Got it. I’ll try and be around soon. I just haven’t really been in the mood, okay?”

Her face softened. “I know Harry. I’m sorry. I honestly thought if you saw him it would be good for you. It’s been a month and you won’t even tell me what happened. You just seem so miserable. Why won’t you just talk to me about it?”

“I don’t want to get into it, okay? It was painful enough back then. I should never have gone poking around and opened up that wound again...for either of us.”

“But I was so sure when I talked to him. He--” She shut her mouth abruptly. 

Harry’s voice was ice cold and he took in a breath. “When you _what_?”

Hermione looked as if she might cry. “Oh, Harry! I’m so sorry, but that day at the restaurant when he saw you, the look on his face when you left... and then he charged right past me, didn’t even see me, it was like he couldn’t see anything but you. He looked different Harry, and I saw his friends and they seemed like nice normal people, they seemed so concerned for him. I’d never seen anyone look at Draco that way, and then Pansy recognized me. I think she thought we were there to… I dunno...come after him or something. That other guy, he calmed her down, but he seemed worried. The way they talked about him...I had to know. So I asked him to meet me.”

Harry wanted to pick up the tiny lantern and launch it against the wall. _How dare she_?

Hermione must have sensed the anger rolling off of him because her voice spiked with panic. “Harry calm down! You’ve not been the same since he left, and you know it. You try to hide it, but we all know you miss him. It’s obvious Harry! And you wouldn’t tell us why or what he did, and so we all assumed it was something terrible and well it was, it really was--”

 

Harry’s head shot up. “He TOLD you?” he asked incredulously. 

“I asked him Harry, I needed to know.”

“After everything I did to keep him safe, he just TOLD you? He had no idea what you’d do or who you’d tell! That fucking idiot!”

“Well I’m glad he did!” she shouted. “Someone had to! And honestly, the fact that he was so honest about it made me think that just _maybe_ Draco Malfoy is worth trusting! You didn’t see his _face_ , Harry. I thought if you two just talked that maybe…”

“Maybe what!? We’d just kiss and make up like nothing happened!? We’d just hold hands and skip off into the sunset like he didn’t...like _I_ didn’t…” Harry shoved his hand into his hair, gripping the strands hard. He wanted so desperately to scream right now. 

“I _thought_ , ” Hermione hissed, “that you two might finally talk like two grown-ups about what went wrong! I _thought_ that you might actually figure out how to communicate and try to do something about it!”

Harry was becoming overwhelmed. “I have to go Hermione. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Harr--” He tapped his wand on the device and the flames vanished. 

This was all too much. He paced back and forth before finally deciding to sit on the couch. Draco had looked happy and content both times Harry had walked back into his life recently, and as soon as he had seen Harry, that happiness had been replaced with sadness, regret, and pain. It didn’t matter what Harry wanted anymore. 

Draco had asked him to leave. That was it. Harry knew he was awful at expressing his emotions, and in the past, so was Draco. But talking to the man now, he could see how much Draco has changed-- how open he seemed. If Draco had wanted him back, if he had wanted things between them to be different -- he would have said something. Harry knows he’s doing the right thing. He respecting Draco’s wishes. 

There was a knock at the door. God, why couldn’t Hermione leave it alone! Leave _him_ alone!? He just needed time to get himself sorted, not all her endless meddling. Furious, he stormed over and flung it open. “Goddamnit, Hermione!”

He froze as he looked into the eyes of the last person he wanted to see in the world. It was _him_.

Everything was still and silent as he looked into those cool blue eyes, and then the kettle began shrieking behind him  
\------------

“Oh, Hello Harry!” He smiled a cheeky smile as he leaned against Harry’s door frame. “How nice to see you! I hear you’ve put the kettle on!” His voice bright as he pushed past Harry and followed the shrill whistle into the kitchen. 

“What are you doing here?” Harry exclaimed as he followed the bastard into his own kitchen.

“Thought you and I needed to have a bit of a chat, actually.” He looked about at the mess, but spotted the mug, already prepared on the counter, and poured in some water. He began searching through the cupboards till he found the sugar bowl and prepared the tea to his liking.

“Hey! You can’t just--”

“Can’t just what?” He asked looking up, something feral and angry glinting in his eyes. “Walk into your territory and begin messing with your things?” 

Harry froze.

B.J. raised an eyebrow and slowly took a sip of tea, meeting Harry’s eyes in a challenge.

How dare he! This man had taken Draco from him, had flirted with him, had _fucked_ him, had the life Harry wanted with him, lazy mornings at home and playful breakfasts at Hudson’s, and now this man was rubbing it all in his face! How dare he barge into his home and challenge him! Why in the hell was he even here?! Then it dawned on him.

Draco had said they weren’t together. 

Maybe he was jealous.

“Draco isn’t yours,” Harry said calmly, his eyes hard as he glared at the man in his kitchen.

B.J. set the mug down. “No, you’re right. He isn’t mine. Draco is strong and intelligent and proud. He’s his own man. But I love him. I don’t stand by and let people hurt the people I love.”

“How did you even figure out where I live, let alone how to get through my wards?” Harry asked, desperately stomping down the flare of jealousy that surged through him at B.J.’s admission. 

B.J. rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t that hard. Not too long ago Draco and I were stumbling to the tube from a pub near here-- Greg’s or Graham’s or something. Anyway, we got to this street and Draco suddenly became extremely quiet and sober, so I asked him what was wrong. From there, I just looked for your name on the bell. Even so, I’m sure Blaise knows who to bribe find your address. As to your wards, God, no wonder there’s so few of you compared to the Muggle population. You haven’t keyed your words to keep out Muggles, genius. After that, all I had to do was knock on the door and you let me in. For someone so concerned with security, you didn’t even check to see who was on the other side of the door before opening it.”

“Oh...I guess that makes-- Wait! You’re a _muggle_?”

“God, you’re thick. You're not even asking the right questions.” B.J. just rolled his eyes and sipped his tea. He walked past Harry into the living room, making himself comfortable on the sofa and placing his feet on the coffee table. “You don’t mind, do you?” he asked, eyeing the empty carton of chinese and the papers strewn about. “God, I can’t imagine Draco living in this shithole. No wonder he was miserable.” 

Harry finally exploded. “HOW DARE YOU! Look, I may not have been perfect goddamnit, but you have NO right to barge into my home and cast judgment on me or what I had with Draco! I tried to make him happy, I thought he _was_ happy. I would have done anything, _anything_ , if I’d known just how fucking hurt and miserable he was. If only I’d seen it or if he would have just _told_ me! I fucking loved him! I fucking _love_ him and YOU took him from me. That was the happiest night of my goddamn life and then you showed up and put your fucking dick in him. He was MINE!” Harry began to cry, he couldn’t believe he was letting this man see him this way, but he couldn’t hold back anymore. “He was everything to me, goddammit! I was over the moon to have the attention of that brilliant, incredible man and then you took him away!” Harry collapsed into the chair behind him and put his head in his hands, sobbing in earnest.

“And I can’t even be mad about it. Because he’s so much now. He’s radiant and happy. He’s better off and I… I hate that it wasn’t me that made him this happy. All I ever wanted was to have the Draco you get to be with every day. Fuck. I miss him.” Harry stopped and tried to catch his breath, refusing to look up. He sighed. “Are you happy, you bastard?”

“No.” B.J. said simply, as he sat up and placed the mug on the table before him. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

Harry looked up sharply. “What?”

B.J. sighed exasperatedly. “I _said_ , what are you going to do about it?”

Harry was confused. “What do you mean, what am I going to do about it?”

“Jesus Christ! Pansy said you were thick, but I always thought she was exaggerating!” B.J. threw his hands in the air, clearly frustrated. “I _said_. What. The fuck. Are you going to do about it? Come now, Harry. Think! You sit there and tell me that you love him, that you miss him and want him to be happy. But a month ago -- and stop me if I get any of this wrong -- You showed up to his flat unannounced claiming you want closure -- tried to leave abruptly when he thanked you for protecting him, then you kissed him,” B.J. ran a hand through his hair. “Though, in your defense, Draco did admit that he started it, the idiot. But then you pushed him away accused him of cheating on _me_. ” B.J. crosses his arms against his chest, fixing Harry with a cold stare. “What I find most troublesome though Harry, is that you thought it appropriate to ask him to show you his most painful memories, even after he admitted to you just how hurt he had been.”

“He said he loved me.”

“I know,” B.J. said with a nod. “He still loves you, the idiot. He loves you enough to relive those painful memories because he is still wracked with guilt about what he did to you and he thinks he owes you. But then you just fuck off and leave without a word to him. Is that how you show love mate, because you suck at it. But now that you’ve spilled your guts to me, I have to ask again -- what’s the fucking plan here? Are you just going to disappear forever?” 

 

“He...He asked me to leave,” Harry croaked.

“Jesus Christ!” B.J. exclaimed. “Were you dropped on the head as a child? _Of course_ he did. He was hurt and scared! He’s an idiot! Especially when it comes to you. And now I find myself right back where I was a year ago with an armful of crying, broken Draco, that _I_ am apparently supposed to put back together again. Even though you now have some insight into what Draco was going through back then, and how he’s grown and worked to improve himself as a result, you still can’t be arsed to put forth even a _little bit_ of effort to repair things between you two. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I got here, what you were thinking or what you fucking wanted -- but you say-- you love Draco. You want Draco. That’s all grand, but nothing will change unless you _do_ something...something beyond sitting in this shithole trying to figure out the most pitiful way to die alone.”

Harry scowled, a small huff of indignation escaping him. B.J. raised his eyebrows his tantrum, “I’m sorry, but I don’t pity you-- I don’t give a shit about you. But I _do_ care about Draco. I’m not sure you even deserve him if you’re going to sit here and give up. But I’m here because that daft bastard is so in love with you that he can’t see straight, and as big of an arse I may seem to you, I just want my best mate to be happy. Draco is incredible. And make no mistake, if you don’t do something about your “feelings” someday soon someone is going to figure out how to make him forget all about you. And mark my words, when it happens I’m going to be right there cheering them on. So this is your shot, Potter. Take my advice or don’t. But if you do, you’d better be prepared to work at that relationship. _Hard_. After the shite you’ve put each other through you both will. But if you don’t take this chance now, don’t you dare show your face ever again. Because next time, we won’t be having this nice little “chat”. I am getting too old for this shit. Do you understand me?”

Harry, completely at a loss for words, simply nodded. 

“Here, we’re throwing him a birthday party.” He shifted his weight to the side to reach into his back pocket. He handed him an invitation covered with brightly coloured bowling pins, a bowling ball, and a hand-sketched cartoon of Draco winking.

_It’s Draco’s Birthday!_  
_He’s second to none! Let’s strike up some fun!_  
_There’s no time to spare! Our boy wants you there!_  
_27 years to tally! It’s right up his alley!_  
_So hey let’s get rolling! It’s time to go bowling!_

_Stamford Lanes  
5 June 6:00 PM_

Harry looked up, surprised and a little amused by how ridiculous the whole thing was.

B.J. smirked. “Cy and Patrick took forever coming up with that while hammered at our last pub night. It made them far too happy. That’s how our crowd is-- goofy, a little wild, and a whole lot odd. If it isn’t your scene, don’t bother coming. I haven’t told him I’m inviting you so it’s fine if you decide not to show. He won’t be disappointed. You can think about it if you want.”

Harry looked up with bright eyes, amazed that this was happening. “No.” He shook his head earnestly. “I’ll be there.” 

“Alright, then.” B.J.looked at him seriously. “Don’t make me regret this.” 

He walked to the door and Harry followed. 

“Hey,” he said gently. B.J. turned to face him. “Thank you. I’m sorry…I misjudged you.” 

B.J. smiled softly. “Draco’s my best mate. I’d do anything to make him happy. He thinks you’re it. Me? I’m a bit harder to convince.” He chuckled. “I just hope you feel the same.”

B.J. stepped out and Harry closed the door behind him. He could hardly believe it. He was being given a second chance. Maybe he could make this work, maybe they could do this. 

He thought about Draco, his quick wit, his determination, his brilliance.

He closed his eyes, he could see it like it was yesterday -- Draco in the early mornings, his wide, gorgeous grey eyes just rousing from sleep, his soft smile, his perfect pale skin slightly flushed pink. He remembered how the sheets would rustle against his tall, slim body, the feel of his legs tangled in Harry’s as he nuzzled gently into Harry’s neck. He wanted that man in his arms again. He could no longer push aside just how badly he wanted -- _needed him_ to be his again. 

As Harry plopped himself onto the couch BJ had just occupied, he thought about his impending meeting with Draco. He needed to make an impression...Fuck what was he going to wear? Stricken with panic, he shot up from his seat and all but ran to the kitchen, tapping the floo lantern. 

Hermione’s surprised face popped up. “Harry. Is everything alright?” 

“Honestly, Hermione?Yes, everything's fine, better than fine.. But, er...I need a favour.”

“Yes, of course. What is it?”

Harry rubbed the back of his neck. He could not believe the words that were about to come out of his mouth. “Can we...er...can we go shopping?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those of you playing spot the Sherlock references, there are two more in this chapter! I hope that I am successful in trying to convey the responsibility they each had in the failure of the relationship the first time around, without excusing their individual mistakes and problems. Considering the dark place this beast started in and that I cannot abide unhappy endings, I was worried it might be difficult to get to this place. Also, can I just say, I really want a B.J.? ( The person, not the activity, get your minds out of the gutter! Actually on second thought, don't, mine needs company down there ;) ) One more week!


	9. All of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the night of Draco's birthday. Will Harry be there? How will Draco react? Can our boys get it together long enough to maybe make this work?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first of all.....I'M SO SORRY!! You know how punctual I am, but frankly, since this is the last chapter (well besides epilogue) I really wanted to make sure it was perfect. This started out a bitch to write and then Easter slowed me down. So I'm a tad late, but it was because I didn't want to publish something subpar before I was ready just to be on time. :) Never fear dear readers I will NEVER abandon you. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Now, without further ado, the moment we've all been waiting for...Harry gets hit by a bus and Draco gets married to a very nice pureblood witch! (Just kidding ;) ) 
> 
> A massive thank you to [Andithiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andithiel/pseuds/Andithiel), the best support system/Alpha/beta/friend ever. And as always to the best beta and punctuation wrangler I know, she makes my words shine [OllieMaye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bquery%5D=olliemaye) Together they form my Beta DREAM TEAM.

“NO! I said I want to be Princess Consuela Banana Hammock!” Cy shouted as he batted at Patrick, who was entering names into the computer. 

“Ow! Stop it! It won’t fit! It’s too many letters! Besides I was there the night we went skinny dipping, Princess,” Patrick began typing ‘Princess Puny’ into the console, “and a banana, it is not my friend. OW! 

“I see how it is. How ‘bout, I just enter your name in over here...” Cy switched to the second lanes console and typed in ‘Crap Bag’. 

“Boys, behave yourselves!” Pansy laughed as she sipped her beer. “We are here to celebrate.”

“I am behaved, Pans.” He smiled sweetly then shouted, “I call team captain!”

“Fine! Then I’ll be the other one.” Patrick said as he got up and switched consoles with Cy. “I’ll show you who’s the crap bag, _Princess_...”

Garret leapt up, sweeping his hair into a short ponytail. “I’ll be on Cy’s team, and if we win, I get to pick the game next 5 game nights.”

“And if we win, I pick,” Patrick said as he stood holding out his hand to shake.

“Deal.” 

“Good,” Cy said. “Come over here, you can be my ‘Prince Charming’. “Okay, ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter' your turn to pick someone.”

“I pick Blaise. He’s tall. I feel like the long arms are an advantage.”

“How?!” Cy shouted.

“I dunno, just seems logical!”

“The way your mind works astounds me.”

“Blaise, what do you want your name to be?” 

Blaise looked wary. “I don’t bowl…”

“What, rich people don’t bowl?”

“Actually. No.”

“Oh Blaise! Don’t be a baby, we’re here to celebrate the grand occasion that is my birth, give it a shot. It’s fun.” Draco smiled.

Blaise got up and headed to Patrick, pointing back at Draco. “Only for _you_. Pansy, you better be joining us.”

Pansy held up her hand wiggling her fingers, “Oh, it’s bowling night, love. I trimmed my nails this morning.” Her fingernails were short but still a deep shimmery red. She reached under her seat and pulled out a cherry red bag that had the words ‘Ball Buster’ embroidered on the front and pulled out her ruby red glittered bowling ball. “Be warned, I don’t like to lose.” She turned, “Cy? Will your team be needing a Queen?”

“Naturally, M’lady,” he bowed to her.

Draco looked over at B.J. who was uncharacteristically quiet and tense as he leaned back in his seat and looked at his watch.

“Hey, everything okay?” Draco asked.

“Hmm?” He looked up, then over to the entrance and back.

“Hey, I know you were upset you forgot to book the lane—”

“I didn’t forget, I left it up to Cy.”

“So it’s still your fault then, isn’t it,dummy?” Draco smiled and nudged him. 

B.J. sighed and smiled back, “Yeah, s’pose it is,” he chuckled.

“Besides, I’m not complaining. The food’s surprisingly good here and I never say no to an extra hour and a half at the bar.” He took a sip of his drink and winked. “It always makes the game more fun.” 

“Oi! Draco, whose team do you want to be on!”

He lifted his drink in their direction, “Rock, paper, scissors for it. I don’t play favourites, boys!” He turned back to B.J.

“Sorry, I’ve been a bit distracted, I’d really thought…” He shook his head. “Never mind. Let’s make this the best birthday you’ve ever had.” He lifted his glass. “To you.”

Draco tapped it with his own, “To me.” 

“Hey! Stop gossiping and get your arses over here!”

“Alright, alright, whose team am I on?” Draco asked as he walked towards them.

“Well as the guest of honor, naturally mine, my liege.” Cy bowed low in his seat at the console and Draco looked up to see the name ‘King Draco’ on the screen.

“Ah... delighted my princess,” Draco gave a lordly nod and held out his hand. “I’ll do my best to bring you a victory.”

Cy took it and quickly pulled Draco down into his lap laughing. 

“Hey!” Pansy exclaimed as she swatted Cy, “I’m the queen here!”

“Sorry Pans, we’ve already tried that, and I’m afraid you’ve got all the wrong bits.” Draco smirked up at her. “Besides, you can’t get in the way of true love!” He leaned in and planted a dramatic kiss on Cy’s cheek.

\------------

Harry was panicked. He tumbled out of his floo and sprinted toward his shower at top speed. Fucking trainees.They had been running team drills through an obstacle course. Philips had panicked at an incoming threat and fired off a curse so haphazardly it struck his partner. Then without even noticing Anderson was down, he’d Apparated so quickly to the rendezvous point that he’d splinched himself. Harry, as their training Auror, had to get them to St. Mungo’s, relay information to the Healers, then fill out all of the accident report paperwork. On Monday he would be writing a strongly worded letter recommending Phillips’ removal from the program, but that could wait. Right now, it was 6:45 and Harry was late.

He would have been tempted to skip the shower, but he was covered in Phillips’ blood and sweaty from the day. He showered quickly but thoroughly, then hopped out and grabbed the outfit Hermione had picked for him: soft brown leather boots, fitted olive trousers, a white v-neck t-shirt and an unbuttoned, sapphire collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up. It was all a little tighter than anything he’d ever worn in his life and he felt a little on display, but Hermione had insisted that that was rather the point. 

Hermione had also purchased a tube of product whose price made his eyeballs pop out of his head, but she had shushed him, running it through his hair with her fingers and taming it into something she called “sexy and windswept”. He mimicked her actions now and had to admit, the effect was quite appealing. 

He took a deep breath and took one long last look in the mirror. This was it. This was his chance. He was going to put it all on the line and hoped he could get back the man he loved. This man that had driven him insane when they were boys and, now that they were men, made him mad with desire, and frustration, and love. If he played his cards right, maybe tonight he’d get to touch him again, hold him, feel him laugh into Harry’s kisses and sigh against his neck when he was content. He wanted to look into those grey eyes and see what he felt reflected back at him, to be wanted again, he wanted... FUCK—he looked over at the clock. It was 7:15. He had to go. God, he hoped he wasn’t too late. 

He Apparated to a safe point near the bowling alley and all but ran for the front doors. He was immediately struck by the murmurs of conversation throughout the building, the deep thrum of balls rolling down the lanes and the loud clatter of pins tumbling over. The place was crowded and his heart was pounding as he thrust himself deeper into the room, searching for that distinctive white-blond hair. Then he saw it, down near the end. He began to head towards it when he froze. Draco was sitting in some guy’s lap, one arm draped around his shoulder laughing as he leaned in to kiss him. He was too late. 

Harry altered course and headed for the bar. He ordered a scotch. 

How could this be happening? He was only an hour and a half late. Draco didn’t even know he was coming, so he couldn’t be upset about that. Why had B.J. asked him here if Draco had his sights set on another bloke? Was he trying to punish Harry? Humiliate him? No. He’d seemed sincere. He’d said that Draco still loved him, still wanted him. 

Dammit this was beginning to feel like that night all over again. Harry had been overjoyed. He’d dared to hope that Draco could be his completely, and then he’d found him with another man. Maybe he should just go. He put some money on the bar and was about to turn to leave when he decided _no_. Not this time. Draco could reject him if he wanted, and that would be okay. It would gut him, but he’d know he had made his thoughts and intentions clear. He would at least have the satisfaction of knowing he’d done all he could. He took a steadying breath and prepared to turn around. 

\------------

“Okay your highness, off, I’m up first,” Cy said as he pushed Draco unceremoniously from his lap.

Draco squawked as he nearly tumbled to the ground. “Some Prince Charming you turned out to be!” Draco laughed as he took the seat Cy had just vacated. 

“I’m not the chivalrous type.” He winked and grabbed his bowling ball. “What can I say, us heroes are nothing but trouble.”

“You’re telling me.” Draco smiled. “Now bowl, and don’t fuck it up or I’ll have you beheaded.”

There was a loud clatter of pins from the next lane followed by an explosion of shouts from Patrick’s team. 

“STRIKE! First fucking go! I’m so gonna kick your arse, Cy!”

“Oh please! I think you just peaked early. I hear that’s a problem of yours.” Cy stuck out his tongue.

“Uh huh, yeah, well let’s see what you got there, Lebowski.”

Draco’s mind began to wander. He thought, not for the first time, that he was unbelievably blessed to be surrounded by these vibrant, loving people. He’d never really had a family, not like this, not one he could just let his guard down around. Here, he could just be himself without having to worry that anything he said or did could later be used against him. As Pansy walked past him to take her turn, he reflected that he’d never thought he’d see _her_ at ease in a world like this either, but she thrived here. She was still catty and domineering, but here she was more open. As he looked at his year, he thought that despite its shit start, 27 had turned out to be one of the best years of his life. He couldn’t imagine needing anything else. 

And there it was. That dull stab he could never quite be rid of. Maybe he needed another drink. He looked over at the bar and was trying to decide if he should go himself, or play the birthday card and send someone, when he spotted the most delectible arse he’d seen in a long time. It was round, and firm, clad in tight green trousers. He’d not wanted anyone since Harry, not remotely, but that arse should be illegal. His eyes trailed up to a trim waist and muscled arms attached to broad shoulders. Merlin, if he wanted to, he’d bet that bloke could lift him up and fuck him against a wall. He snorted as he reached for Cy’s beer and took a sip, _Of course he has to have black hair._ Well that was right out, he could never do it. Not without constantly being reminded of the one man who—

The room went silent and somewhere distantly he heard the bright echoing tinkle of a beer bottle hitting the ground. Time slowed as the man turned around and the world narrowed to two emerald green eyes that found his and examined him sheepishly. He swallowed, unable to process what was happening. All he could see was that open face and that shy smile. Harry looked gorgeous, like something out of a magazine. He’d never seen him look so—

“Draco!” 

“GAH! What?” Draco flailed suddenly, a flood of sound, color, and motion rushing back into his brain, as he looked toward the person speaking to him. 

“You dropped your beer and you went a bit funny for a second there,” Cy said, putting a hand on Draco’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” 

Draco looked up at him, “Oh...uh...yeah...I’m fine.” He looked back at Harry who was staring at Cy’s hand on Draco with wary, questioning eyes.

“Hey, wait a second! That was MY beer!”

“Sorry Cy.” Draco sprang up, decision made. He had to find out what Harry was doing here. “I’ll just go fetch you a new one.” Draco called over his shoulder, already heading towards the bar. He was stopped by a hand gripping his arm and he turned to see Pansy.

“Draco, are you sure this is a good idea?” 

“Let him go, Pans. He needs to deal with this on his own,” B.J. said gently from behind her. 

“I’ll be fine, love.” He smiled at her reassuringly.

“Ok,” she said, loosening her grip. “But call if you need me. I have a nine pound bowling ball and I’m not afraid to use it.”

Draco chuckled and turned his gaze back to Harry, who was now visibly fidgeting, one hand in his pocket, the other running through his hair.

“Hey,” Draco said approaching him.

“Hey.” Harry looked uncertain. “Happy Birthday, Draco. 28. That’s a big year.”

“Is it? How?”

Harry shrugged and let out a nervous laugh. “I don’t really know actually. It just seemed like something to say.”

“Well you weren’t wrong, it was _something_ to say, it was just something stupid.” Draco smirked good-naturedly and Harry seemed to relax slightly.

There was an awkward pause. 

“What are you doing here?”

“B.J. invited me.”

Draco raised an eyebrow and turned to look back at B.J. who was pretending to watch their friends bowl, but who, Draco could sense, was also observing them from the corner of his eye. 

“Did he?”

“Yeah, said you might like it if I stopped by,” Harry said tentatively. 

Draco examined him, trying to understand what the other man was thinking. “That doesn’t really answer my question…What are you doing here?”

Harry looked up and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and sighed. “I wanted to wish you a happy birthday. And I wanted to say I’m sorry about taking off like that the other day, I was a coward and I’m sorry. And I’m sorry about what happened between us...before. I didn’t know how you felt, and I wish I had, and I’m such an idiot for not seeing it or asking when I felt something was off and I…I just wanted to see you. I miss you Draco.”

Draco felt a rush of emotion. As he looked into Harry’s hopeful green eyes, his breath caught and he stuttered, “I...I missed you too. I never got to apologise for what I did to you. I tried but back then you didn’t want...Look, there’s no excuse for what I did, and I hurt you so badly. I never meant to do that, I wasn’t thinking…or maybe I was...but I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

Harry nodded. Another silence ensued before Draco said, “You look really good.”

“Thanks, you do too.”

Draco smiled, “Look, I was just about to grab a drink and then go back to my friends. Would you care to join me?”

“Yeah.” Harry beamed. “That sounds nice.”

\-------------

Harry was nervous as they walked back to the lanes. People gave Draco curious looks, unsure of who this new person was, but B.J. hopped up immediately, and reached a hand out for Harry’s, shaking it warmly. “Harry! Glad you could join us. You’re a bit late, I was beginning to think you weren’t coming.” 

“Yeah, there was a wild accident at work, but I’m glad I’m here. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Great. Well, let’s get you a seat and get you introduced,” B.J. said, and the rest of the group took their lead from B.J., greeting him warmly and introducing themselves one by one.

Harry hadn’t known what to expect from Draco’s friends. He’d seen photos, but it was nothing like being in the middle of this lively, playful family. He was beginning to get a glimpse of what it must have felt like for Draco all those times at the club, being the odd man out in the midst of a group already so bonded to each other. It was a bit overwhelming and exceptionally intimidating. Harry didn’t even have the added burden of history and baggage with this group. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He felt the careful scrutiny of B.J., Pansy and Blaise everywhere he went. Their hackles were up and they were ready to pounce if he made a false move. Draco seemed to sense Harry’s discomfort however, and returned to his side, bringing along a jovial dark-haired man. 

“Patrick, Harry here is a big fan of football too. Harry was always giving me a hard time about never getting into watching the matches.”

“Ah! Something we have in common! Good man. This one drives me nuts, do you have any idea how many times I’ve tried to explain the concept of off sides to him? I swear, I’ve left little napkins with diagrams in half the pubs in Britain and this one still just shrugs his shoulders and picks a team to support at random based on which one he thinks has the fittest blokes. It’s embarrassing to be seen with him! ”

“Oh please, he says that now, but he’s never complaining when I use the time I save not watching the game to play likeable gay wingman and chat him up to the girls he points out _or_ when they invade my flat and I’m so indifferent to the game, I spend the afternoon making them food.”

“My god, you’re right! What am I saying? To Draco!” He raised his beer and Draco clinked it with his own. “May he never understand the difference between yellow and red penalty cards!” The entire group cheered and toasted Draco as Draco smiled and tipped an imaginary hat.

The rest of the evening went on like that. Draco introduced Harry to each of his friends and sat beside him, pointing out their common areas of interest. They bantered and teased, they invented bizarre games on the spot that left Harry breathless with laughter; they discussed films and music, they made plans amongst each other for the week, and as the evening drew to a close, Harry realised Draco wasn’t beside him. He was off chatting with Garrett. Harry hadn’t even noticed him drift off he was enjoying himself so thoroughly with Amani and Cy. Draco seemed to sense the moment when Harry began to notice, because he turned his head and winked at Harry, giving him a knowing grin. Harry stared at him, bewitched by the confident man gazing at him.

A sudden eruption of cheering and wailing pulled Harry back into the moment.

“Suck it, Crap Bag! I win!” Cy shouted as he and Garrett jumped up and down screaming.

“You only won by five pins! If I hadn’t been distracted that one time, I would have had that spare!”

“A loss is a loss,” Garrett said. “ And I beleive that means I get to pick the next 5 game nights. So I’ll see you next Saturday for…drumroll please…MONOPOLY!”

“WHAT? NO! Why would you pick that? Nobody even LIKES Monopoly! Monopoly is where friendships go to die!” Patrick exclaimed, clearly dismayed.

“To punish you, and to remind you to never, ever, fuck with me.” Garret smirked.

“This is all your fault,” he said turning to Cy. “I swear to god, you’re the only person I’ve ever met that gets better at bowling the drunker he gets.”

“I don’t know what they’re complaining about, they’re just going to start inventing rules halfway through.” Pansy lifted her drink to her lips and watched amused as their banter continued.

“What?” Harry asked.

“Oh yes,” said Draco, “Last time, Patrick was losing and Cy started paying him in Monopoly money to do real-life tasks, and when that didn’t help enough, Patrick petitioned that he and Amani should be allowed to get married and thus combine their marital assets.” Draco chuckled. “You never know with this bunch.”

“You’re really lucky,” Harry said, turning to Draco.

“I know.” 

“I’m heading out for a smoke before we take off, anyone with me?” B.J. announced. 

“Yeah, just a sec,” said Amani, digging through her purse. “Cy, I think you still have my lighter.”

“Yep,” said Cy, holding it up and as he passed. She took it from him and followed.

“I’ll uh...I’ll be right back,” Draco said, standing to go. ”Don’t leave or anything.”

“I won’t.” 

Harry hated it when Draco smoked. Not only was it bad for him, but afterwards he tasted like an ashtray and his hair lost that soft citrusy scent he loved. He especially loved it when he was on top of the other man, his nose buried in Draco’s neck as he—Harry stopped that train of thought. He mustn't get ahead of himself. Draco still wasn’t his yet. For all he knew this was as far as he was going to get, and he needed to be okay with that. 

“Are you going to do better this time?” Harry was startled by Pansy who had just slithered up next to him. 

“What?” 

“Don’t play dumb with me. You know what I’m asking.”

“Yes, If he’ll have me.” 

She rolled her eyes. “This isn’t going to be easy. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, but I need to at least try.” 

“You know, the last time you two were together, you never did bother to come around and spend time with us.” She nodded her head to include Blaise as well. “But then again, we also never got a chance to really get to know each other after all our past shit. So, for Draco’s sake, let’s try this one more time. Hi, I’m Pansy, and this is my friend Blaise. Nice to meet you.”

She held out her hand. 

Harry took it. “I’m Harry, Harry Potter.”

“My, what a dreadfully boring name Harry Potter.” She grinned at him.

Just then, Patrick returned and plopped himself down on the bench beside Harry.

“Ughh...I’m exhausted. I’m glad to be in my own shoes again though.”

“I keep telling you, it pays to buy,” she said, wiggling her own very adorable white-and-red striped bowling shoes.

“I hate you,” Patrick said, leaning back in his chair and finishing his drink. “This was one of our better bowling nights. Next time, you’re on my team.”

“Next time, I call captain, you boys are idiots.”

The smokers returned and everybody began to say their goodnights, gather their belongings and migrate outside. Harry was given several hugs and wishes that they’d see him again soon. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Draco laughed as he shouted down the street after the last of the departing bunch. “See you at game night, idiots!” He turned back, laughter fading to a gentle smile as he approached Harry and cleared his throat. He reached out a hand. “Thanks for coming. It was really nice to see you again.”

Harry took it, feeling awkward about the tentative formality. “Yeah, Of course.”

Silence hung between them as they looked at each other, each waiting for something and unsure what it was. “Well, I guess I should be going.”

“Yeah, see you another time hopefully.”

“Yeah.” 

Harry felt rooted to the spot. He kept his eyes fixed on Draco, terrified that once he let him out of his sight, he’d disappear again. Harry couldn’t bear the thought of Draco being so close and slipping through his fingers again. He looked into Draco’s eyes and—

“Fuck this.” 

Harry stepped forward and kissed him. Draco’s lips were soft and warm and Harry felt giddy. He felt Draco’s hands run up from his hips to his chest, gently pushing him away slightly. Harry’s heart plummeted.

They were standing close together, forehead to forehead, eyes closed and Draco whispered. “Are you sure Harry? I don’t want to do this if you aren’t sure. Please don’t do this to me and not mean it.”

Harry breathed in, and put his hand on the back of Draco’s neck. 

He nodded. “Yes. Merlin, yes Draco, I’m sure. I want you back if you’ll have me. I’ve fucking missed you. I wanted you every day when you were gone. I tried to make it go away. I was so angry. And what you did hurt me. God, I was gutted. You were everything to me. And when I saw…”—he swallowed—“I thought you didn’t care. But I swear to you Draco, if I’d known what was wrong...I was an idiot. I think we can get it right this time. I want to get it right this time. Please. Can we try?”

Harry could feel all of the tension melt from Draco, his whole body relaxed, only to be swiftly replaced with a surge of something entirely different.

“Oh god yes,” Draco groaned as he pushed Harry against the wall. He gasped and Draco kissed him deeply, his tongue plundering Harry’s mouth. God, Harry had missed this. Draco’s chest pushed firmly against his, those long elegant fingers hooking into his belt loops, the taste of Draco—

“Wait.” Harry pushed him back, “You didn’t smoke.” It wasn’t a question, but Harry was surprised.

Draco grinned, “You don’t like it when I smoke.”

The thought that Draco had wanted this to happen, that he had anticipated this moment, drove Harry mad and he dived forward, pulling Draco against him, claiming Draco’s mouth. “Fuck,” he said breathlessly, “I forgot how good you taste.” 

\------------

Draco couldn’t believe he had him. He was back. He wanted this. He wanted them. For the first time since that night a year ago, he had a warm, moaning, pliant Harry Potter pressed against him. His fingers were running through that gorgeous raven hair, his hand was gripping that firm arse, and his lips were pulling those sounds out of the man he’d thought he’d lost. He pulled back and Harry’s lips blindly moved to follow him. Draco put up a finger to stop him as he leaned in to whisper, “Would you like to come back to my place?”

Harry moaned and nodded eagerly. Draco took a quick look up and down the street, then Apparated them directly into his bedroom. 

They stumbled upon landing and Draco took advantage of their lack of balance to push Harry backwards onto his bed. Harry looked up at him with glazed, wanting eyes. 

“Fuck Harry, do you have any idea, any idea at all, what I want to do to you?”

He crawled on top of him, pressing their erections together as he licked from Harry’s collarbone to his ear in one long, slow swipe. Draco kissed and sucked on his earlobe as he snaked a hand down to Harry’s trousers, unbuckled the belt and pulled it through the loops, tossing it to the side. 

“I’ve been thinking about you.” Draco popped the button of his denims with one hand and slid the other into his pants, cupping the soft bare skin of Harry’s arse.

“I couldn’t get you out of my head.” He unzipped Harry’s flies and kissed his way back down his neck and up to the other ear.

“I want you, Harry Potter.” Draco reached down and swiftly yanked trousers and pants to Harry’s knees in one quick tug, settling himself between Harry’s legs. He looked down at his stiff, leaking cock and back up into Harry’s eyes. He kissed the insides of Harry’s thighs, and licked the sensitive junction between leg and groin. Placing his hands on Harry’s knees, he spread his legs wider, exposing and opening Harry as he slowly nosed up his cock. 

Draco pressed a gentle kiss to the tip, looking up through his lashes as Harry stared down at him, mouth open and eyes wide.

Draco smiled and licked Harry from root to the tip before taking him into his mouth humming in satisfaction, never taking his eyes off Harry’s. He found a teasing, gentle pace that made Harry arch and tense, obviously trying to keep from pushing up and fucking Draco’s mouth. 

Draco unbuckled his own trousers as he began to work Harry’s shaft in earnest. He kicked off his shoes and stood, divesting himself of the rest of his clothing and stripping Harry from the waist down. “God, take off your shirt. I need to see all of you.”

\------------

Harry complied quickly. He sat on the edge of the bed and took in the sight before him. He remembered every curve, every line, the mole just above Draco’s left hip, the way the nest of curls at the base of his rosy pink cock was a more dirty blonde than the fine platinum hair that dusted the rest of his body, the scar he had just above his knee from a loose nail he’d snagged it on while exploring as a child. It was all just as he’d remembered it, and brand new at the same time. 

Harry slid off the bed and fell to his knees, taking that dusky pink cock between his lips. He gripped Draco’s arse and held on, desperate and greedy to taste and take as much of the most intimate part of Draco that he could.

He’d only done this maybe twice before. How was that possible? How had he not been compelled to wake up every morning and put his mouth on this cock He hummed as he wrung moans and desperate cries from Draco. He felt fingers firmly gripping his head and he shuddered. 

Suddenly the fingers in his hair tightened and pulled him back. “Do you want me?”

“Fuck yes, Draco please…” 

Draco reached into his nightstand and fished out a bottle of lube, handing it to Harry and crawling onto the bed on his hands and knees. Harry groaned as he pulled Draco’s cheeks apart and looked at that tight ring of muscle. God, he couldn’t fucking believe this was real. He bent down and licked it in one wet swipe, then he kissed and lapped and worshipped that perfect little hole. 

He reached up and pushed in a finger beside his tongue and gently began to work Draco open. He moaned as Draco began pushing himself back impaling himself on Harry's tongue and finger. Harry slipped in a second and Draco screamed. 

“Fuck, Harry! Please, that’s enough, please fuck me.”

Harry bolted up and quickly lubed himself up. He ran his prick up and down along Draco’s crack, gently pushing and teasing at Draco’s entrance. He looked down in awe at the wanton, writhing blond below him, begging for his cock. 

“No.”

“What?” Draco’s head shot up as he looked over his shoulder at Harry.

“Not, like this,” he said. “I want to look at you when I take you.”

Draco nodded and rolled onto his back, lifting his arms over his head, planting his feet on the bed and spreading his legs wide, offering himself in total submission.

Harry gasped as he crawled on top of Draco. He looked into those trusting, soft grey eyes and stroked his cheek with the back of his knuckles. “God, you are so beautiful Draco.’

He leaned down and kissed Draco gently, pressing soft warm kisses to his lips and gently licking into his mouth. Draco wrapped his arms and legs around Harry’s body and keened as their erections pressed together. They kissed lovingly as Draco began to rut up against Harry’s leaking prick with increasing speed and pressure. He squeezed him tight and whined, “Please Harry, I need you inside me. I need this. I want you. Make me yours again. Please.”

At his words, Harry quickly pulled back and lined himself up with Draco’s eager hole. 

He gasped as he began to push slowly in. Draco’s mouth was open and he was staring down at the place where Harry disappeared inside of him, looking awed. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, fuck Harry, yes, god, you’re inside me, fuck.”

When Harry was fully sheathed inside him, he tilted Draco’s chin up to look him in the eye once more. He was overwhelmed by the feeling of Draco underneath him, the look in Draco’s eyes, the knowledge that he was inside the man he’d loved and wanted for so long. He couldn’t hold back any longer. “Draco.” The man beneath him cocked his head and smiled at him with an expression of pure bliss and contentment.

“I love you.” 

Draco’s eyes grew wide and he swallowed. “What?”

“I said, I love you. I should have said it a thousand times before but—”

“Shut up.” Draco pulled him down into a fiery kiss, wrapping his legs around Harry and pulling him as deep inside him as he could get. He wrapped one arm around his waist, pressing his body flush to Harry’s and cupped Harry’s face with his other hand. Draco kissed him deeply and passionately.

Harry felt moisture on his cheeks and pulled back. “Hey, shhh. Why are you crying, love?”

“I love you too, Harry.” His breath hitched. “I never thought I’d get to tell you.”

Harry wiped the tears away and kissed him gently. Draco smiled into the kiss and began to shift his hips, a clear invitation for Harry to move. 

Harry slid in and out of Draco slowly and gently, marvelling in the sensation of warmth that spread through his body. Gradually that warmth became a heat and he picked up his pace, thrusting greedily into the body below him as Draco writhed and cried out.

“OH FUCK! Yes, give it to me Harry, fuck me, give me your big cock, baby.”

“Yeah, you like my big cock, love? You like it when I fuck that pretty arse of yours?”

Draco let out a cry, gripping Harry and pushing back against him with every thrust.

“Say it baby, tell me you love my cock, Draco,” Harry said as he began pounding into him.

Draco seemed incapable of speech as he tried to impale himself deeper on Harry’s cock. He wrapped his arms around Harry and buried his face in his neck as he choked out, “Yes, baby, fuck I love your big cock. I want you.” He began sucking and kissing a spot at the junction of neck and shoulder, anchoring himself against Harry as he drove into him mercilessly. 

“That’s right baby, you want ME,” Harry said, punctuating the last word with a hard deep thrust.

“Yes,” Draco said, detaching his mouth from Harry’s neck and whimpering into it. “You Harry, only you. Fuck, only you Harry.”

Harry began to come undone at those words that he’d wanted to hear from Draco for so long. 

“Fuck yes! That’s right Draco, tell me who this arse belongs to now.” He grunted and reached between them to grip Draco’s leaking cock. 

Draco arched off the bed screaming, “You Harry! It’s...ah…yours,” he panted. “FUCK! Yours Harry.”

Harry lost it as his rhythm began to falter. “MINE!” He could feel Draco beginning to tip over the edge. “Come for me baby, come on my cock!” Draco stilled as his back arched and he shot pearly streams of come all over his chest.

Harry’s head fell back as Draco tightened around him, he was so close…

“Come inside me baby, make me yours.” Harry gave one final thrust as Draco bit his shoulder and clenched around his prick. 

Harry saw stars as he emptied wave after wave of come deep inside his lover.

Harry collapsed panting and trying to catch his breath as Draco smoothed his hair and kissed the top of his forehead. “You have no idea how much I missed this, Harry. Trying to forget you was torture. I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I fell asleep every night wishing you were here like this.”

Harry smiled, chest still heaving, softening prick still buried inside Draco. “I think I may have some idea.” 

Draco shifted them so they were on their sides, somehow managing not to slip Harry out of him as he hooked one leg over Harry’s and wrapped his arms around him holding him close. 

Harry followed suit wrapping his arms around Draco and stroking his back. 

“Draco?”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t want you to leave me again.”

“I won’t, love.”

“Promise me you’ll tell me when something’s wrong so I can try to fix it.”

“I will, love.”

“I want us to work, no matter how hard it will be sometimes. I want this.”

“I do too. And we’re already off to a better start.”

“Why’s that?”

 

“Because I don’t need you.”

“What?” Harry shifted to look at Draco, confused.

“I don’t need you. I have a life, and a career and friends. I don’t NEED you.”

 

Harry continued to stare at Draco, not sure what he meant.

“I know if you disappeared tomorrow, I could stand on my own and be just fine. But I WANT you Harry. I have a flat, I want _you_ to help me make it a home. I want _you_ to help complete this life I have and make it ours. I’m not a frightened, depressed kid anymore. I’m a strong, independent man, and that’s better, because it means I can be a partner. I’m still far from perfect, I’m still impatient and particular and sulky and a whole host of other things. But if you want to try with me, I’m all in, Harry.”

“Well I’m still oblivious, stubborn and sort of an idiot.”

Draco chuckled, “Of course you are, Harry.”

“I’m all in too, Draco.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

They relaxed into each other, sighing pleasantly in the wake of their newly rediscovered bond.

“Harry?”

“Yes love?”

“If you start leaving your dirty socks all over my flat, I swear to God they will never find the body.” 

Harry burst into laughter as he leaned in to kiss Draco. “Whatever you say, dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are! Hope it was worth the wait! We've reached end of the road! (except for the epilogue) I hope you enjoyed this journey as much as I did! When I first found my self listening to Criminal by Fiona Apple, I had an idea for an interesting infidelity 5k one shot. I had no idea it would become this multi-chapter adventure to hell and back. It was meant to be 3 characters, Harry, Draco and the random faceless guy that fucked Draco and left, (B.J. wouldn't leave, and I'm glad he didn't!) I've been reading fanfic for 17 years but only wrote my first fic last September and this is my first multi-chapter. Thank you all for your love and support! So how'd you like the ending? Did it go how you'd hoped? Thoughts are always welcome, but not required. Your presence is enough. See you next week for a VERY short epilogue to catch up with our boys.
> 
> P.S. for those playing "Spot the Sherlock Reference" along at home, I hope you enjoyed, Harry's very terrible Auror Trainee. Also as it is the 2000's how could I not reference Friends ;) it should be obvious to most Friends fans. ;)


	10. It had to be you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been six months since Draco's birthday. It's time to check in on how our boys are doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've finally made it friends! The end of the road! I hope you enjoy the epilogue!
> 
> A massive thank you to [Andithiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andithiel/pseuds/Andithiel), the best support system/Alpha/beta/friend ever. And as always to the best beta and punctuation wrangler I know, she makes my words shine [OllieMaye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bquery%5D=olliemaye) Together they form my Beta DREAM TEAM.

Harry awoke to a hand delicately brushing through his hair and a tender kiss placed sweetly to his temple. In all his life he’d never been awoken so gently and with such warmth and affection. Growing up, it had been a banging on his cupboard door; in school, it was either on his own or Ron chucking a pillow at him and telling him they were late as they frantically tried to find trousers and books in time for classes; and recently, it was to the harsh, echoing blare of the alarm spells he set. 

He shifted slightly; nuzzling into the hand caressing him, he opened his eyes and smiled at Draco, fully dressed and crouching beside the bed. He began to reach for his glasses, but Draco stopped him.

“No, love, don’t get up. I just wanted to let you know I’m heading to the restaurant.” He leaned over and kissed Harry softly. “I’ll see you and the guys a little later, okay?” he said, petting Harry’s hair lovingly. “I’m making a special just for you, ‘Gingerbread Waffles with Treacle Butter and a Pumpkin Latte’.”

Harry reached over and pulled Draco into a sloppy, languid kiss. “You spoil me, Draco Malfoy.” 

“It’s because I love you, Harry Potter. Now go back to sleep. I gotta dash, I’m running late. Usually, I’m punctual, but I had a hard time waking up this morning. _Somebody_ kept me up most of the night doing unspeakable things to my person.” Draco kissed him on the forehead and stood bringing his hips roughly level with Harry’s face. Harry grabbed his ass, pulling him close, and mouthing at his clothed cock, looking up at Draco through dark eyelashes. 

“I didn’t hear you complaining at the time.” Harry said as he kissed the growing bulge. 

“Merlin, Potter, you are going to be the death of me,” Draco said running his fingers through Harry's hair and gripping his skull. “Nghhh...Stop it.” 

“Don’t want to,” Harry said, continuing his ministrations. 

“If you don’t stop this right now, I won’t be able to leave and there will be no treacle waffles, Harry Potter.” 

Harry let go and pulled away as if Draco was a live wire and he’d been shocked. He put his hands in the air in a gesture of submission. “I’m off! I’m off! Waffles please!” 

“Good boy.” Draco said placing a quick kiss on Harry’s lips. “Go back to sleep, love.”

Harry laid back down and shifted over to Draco’s side of the bed, burying his face in the pillow and inhaling his boyfriend’s intoxicating scent, it was lemons and clean cotton with a hint of mint from the gum he'd been chewing to give up smoking. It helped remind him that this was all real, that he wasn’t going to wake up alone in his dingy, lifeless flat. 

It had been six months since Draco’s birthday, and Harry still couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Draco was everything he didn’t know he’d wanted until he’d met him. Occasionally he still looked back at the day he’d first met Draco in that club and shuddered. He couldn’t believe there was a time when the most beautiful and fascinating man he’d ever met spent his weekends trolling clubs and getting fucked by strangers in alleys, or, even worse, that Harry had been one of those men. He couldn’t believe that he’d later gotten him, and then nearly lost him again. Not this time, he vowed to himself. He already had the ring; in fact, he’d bought it the morning after Draco’s birthday. He was just waiting for the time to be right. 

Harry closed his eyes and drifted off back to sleep, warm and content

——————

Draco had woken that morning wrapped in Harry’s arms, with one long tan leg thrown over his, fully enveloped in the other man like a cocoon. He didn’t remember Harry being like that before. They cuddled occasionally and they’d wake up close sometimes, but not like this. Draco looked back and thought that maybe it was him then too. He’d shift away once Harry fell asleep, afraid to become too accustomed to the presence of someone he thought he couldn’t keep in the bed beside him. But now when they slept they were always touching, always close, as if their time apart made them determined to hold on this time, constantly needing reassurance of the other’s presence. 

Harry had just moved in last week. They’d had a few squabbles over some of Harry’s tackier items. Harry had gotten frustrated and exclaimed, “What’s so awful about it?!”

To which Draco had replied, “It’s so awful, there isn't even a way to explain what's so awful about it!” 

“Draco—”

“No!” Draco had shouted. “You know what, fine! If this is your wagon wheel coffee table and it makes you happy, we can keep it. But I will not be writing my name in my books so we can figure out whose is whose in a break-up, because you aren’t ever allowed to move out!” 

Harry just stopped and looked at him, perplexed. Draco pulled him close and kissed him, devolving into a fit of giggles. “Come on. I think we’ve had enough unpacking for one night. We’re both tired. Call that Thai place we like while I clear the couch; I’m going to introduce you to two dear friends of mine, Harry and Sally.”

Draco smiled looking back on it. Despite the challenges they’d faced, they kept working to make it last. It would, Draco was sure of it now. In fact, he already had the ring. He’d bought it months ago; all he needed was the right time to give it to Harry. 

“Good morning, love!”

Draco looked up from his pan and over to the clock.

“11:45 is hardly morning, Harry.” Draco smirked at him as he spooned some fruit and granola onto a cup of yogurt. 

“Exactly, it’s still morning for fifteen minutes. Cut me some slack, I had a very _rough_ night.” He winked. 

B.J. appeared behind him as if from nowhere and leaned an arm on Harry’s shoulder, “Really? Do tell,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows conspiratorially.

“Why? Jealous, B.J.?”

“Very.” 

“Okay, simmer down, you two,” Draco said as, with a flick of his wrist, he flipped the omelette in his pan.

“God,” Harry said, smiling at him in wonder. “Do you have any idea how sexy that is?”

“Actually, I do.” Draco grinned adding spinach, tomato and Swiss cheese to the pan and folding it in two. He grabbed a plate and deftly slid the omelette onto it, placing the cup of yogurt to the side. “Now take that to Hermione on your way over to your table.”

“They ordered without us?” 

“No, but I couldn’t let her wait around all morning for you layabouts to turn up. You know she gets hangry now that she’s pregnant. Tell her to eat up, there’s lots of protein and iron in that. It’ll do her good.” 

“Yes sir.” B.J. winked and took the plate over to the table Hermione, Ron and Neville were seated at. 

It had been a bit awkward at first when Hermione and Ron had figured out exactly how Draco had met B.J., but as was her nature she swiftly put the issue to rest when she realised just what B.J. had done for Harry and Draco. Neville had been a bit harder to convince, particularly since the first time B.J. had shown up to meet them, Harry had neglected to prepare him as Draco had asked. Draco honestly couldn’t blame him after what he’d seen. But B.J. was B.J.; he was nearly impossible to hate and Neville eventually found himself rather fond of his no-nonsense charm. It didn’t hurt that B.J.’s sister Caroline had moved to the states to study Native American plant magic and that he put them in touch. From what Draco understood, they were slowly becoming rather smitten with each other, taking several international portkeys a month to visit one another. 

“Will you be able to join us, love?” 

“Yeah, just let me wrap a few things up and make sure Lila’s got things covered, I can probably join you for a little bit. Where’s everyone else?”

“I dunno.”

Cy walked up to grab his table’s order off the pass, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else, “They’re coming in a bit, they texted. We had a bit of a late one last night.”

Their attention was drawn toward the door by a loud burst of laughter as Lee and Patrick entered, clearly on about something as they approached. 

“Morning gents!” 

Cy flinched. “Ughh how are you so chipper...it’s disgusting. Draco, will you please punch them? I would, but my head hurts.”

“Sorry Cy, it’s against restaurant policy.”

Patrick laughed. ”Lee inherited the best hangover cure from his gran, works wonders. What’d you say was in that again?”

“Sorry mate, family secret.” 

Cy and Patrick turned when B.J. waved them over to their table and Lee mouthed behind his hand “ _hangover potion_ ” and winked going to join the group. 

Harry and Draco chuckled, and Draco gestured for him to join the party, “Go, sit, I need to wrap up here.”

“Okay, I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Yes, there was a time Draco could never imagine being this happy. 

“Stop grinning to yourself like an idiot. People will begin to take you for a Hufflepuff, darling” Pansy said as she and Blaise entered. 

“Be nice to me or I’ll tell the wait staff to 86 the mimosas.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“I would,” Draco smirked.“That Slytherin enough for you? They’re at the big table in the corner.”

“Oh good, Granger’s here. If we’re all going to that gala together, I need to discuss what she’s wearing, it wouldn’t do to clash. Ta, love.”

He turned and began wiping down his station and making sure everything was clean and stocked enough for him to take a quick break during the brief lull they were having. 

“Lila, you got this?” He called. 

“Yeah boss, go sit with your gorgeous boyfriend.I’ll send up the bat signal if we need you.”

“Thanks.”

He took off his chef’s coat and headed over to join them when he heard a familiar voice and froze.

“Harry, is that you? Last time I saw you was what...March? We have to stop running into each other like this.” 

It was Anthony Goldstein.

“And by like this, I mean so infrequently…” he purred. 

Harry visibly bristled, but the other man didn’t seem to notice. “Goldstein,” he said with a curt nod. 

“I didn’t know you came here! I just heard amazing things about their brunch and had to check it out. Have you been here before? It’s exquisite! How did you hear about this place?” Without invitation Anthony took a seat in the spot Harry had reserved for Draco. “Oh, who am I kidding! You must know of all the best spots, a well-connected guy like yourself.” He grinned lasciviously and leaned forward resting a hand on Harry’s shoulder, completely oblivious to the now silent table. “Do you know of any place more intimate perhaps? I’d love your opinion.”

Harry cleared his throat and politely moved Goldstein’s hand. “Actually, my boyfriend is the brunch chef here.”

Goldstein looked disappointed but polite, “Oh? Well, that’s a shame but I should have known, gorgeous thing like you. We never seem to meet at the right time. Maybe someday, if that doesn’t work out. You’ll have to introduce me sometime.”

Harry opened his mouth to speak but Draco stepped forward and held out his hand.

“Hi, Draco Malfoy. I’m the chef here. Nice to see you again, Goldstein.”

“You have GOT to be kidding me! You’re dating this piece of shit again? I’d heard you’d finally gotten some sense and chucked him!”

Harry’s eyes hardened and he stood. “I think you’d best be on your way, Anthony.”

Anthony turned to Ron and Hermione. “What? And you’re just okay with this? You’re just going to let your best friend be taken in by this gold digging, opportunistic—!”

B.J. and Ron leapt up at the same time, warning looks in their eyes. 

Anthony looked alarmed but turned to Neville. “Nev, you know I’m right, don’t you? I mean, he’s beneath us! He doesn’t deserve to show his face anywhere near us. We earned the right to be rid of people like him. We fought for that!”

Neville remained seated, and looked at Anthony calmly. “Anthony, I can’t speak to what you fought for. I fought for a world where we believed in the good in people, rejected the idea of superiority, and power of love to redeem people that were hurt and lost. I personally fought so that I wouldn’t have to sit at a meal with my friends and be interrupted by someone spewing hatred at a person they haven’t really gotten to know, particularly when it's clear to me that what you want isn’t justice, it’s to get into Harry’s pants.”

Goldstein blanched. “Fine. If you all want to be blind, that’s your prerogative. But I certainly won’t be eating here again now that I know this whore touches my food.”

Harry grabbed the front of Goldstein’s shirt, ready to strike— but Draco put a hand on his arm. 

“Harry...please. This isn’t necessary.”

Harry relaxed.

“Look at that,” Goldstein said, “taking orders from Death Eater scum.”

Without warning, Draco punched him square in the jaw, feeling the bones of his knuckles crunch against Goldstein’s smug face. Anthony hit the floor and Draco shook his hand out as he grinned at Harry. “I don’t need saving. I can take out my own trash.” 

Cy walked up with a round of mimosas on a tray. “I thought punching was against restaurant policy?”

“I made an exception.”

“What’s going on? What is that guy talking about?” asked Patrick, perplexed.

“Shhh,” Pansy said, smiling and pushing Patrick’s plate closer to him. “Just eat your waffles, love.”

Harry took Draco's hand and examined his knuckles. “Are you okay? Cy, can you get him some ice?”

“Sure, just a sec.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m a big boy, Potter,” Draco smiled. “I just don’t like it when people try to get between me and the man I plan to marry.”

Harry stilled.

“Oh fuck!” Draco’s hands flew to his mouth. “I’m sorry, forget I said that, I should check on Lila—“

Harry held his hand firmly, refusing to let him slip away. “What did you say, Draco?” 

“It’s nothing—it’s silly—it’s too early—just a thought I had, you know, a bit of fun.” Draco blushed and tried to pull away. 

“Draco, stop.” Draco stilled at the calm, steady tone in Harry’s voice. 

“I bought you a ring the day after your birthday.” Harry looked at him with sincere open eyes and took a knee. ”Do you want it?” 

Draco looked down at him, thunderstruck. “I bought you a ring the day after that.”

They stared at each other, till finally Ron broke the silence. “Well then, kiss him and let’s be done with it, you idiots! I’m hungry!”

Draco pulled Harry up and their mouths melted together. He couldn’t believe this was his life, he had a career, a family, and soon a husband. He felt like he’d finally been redeemed for all his past sins, better than that, he had all he’d ever need of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's all folks! I hope you enjoyed this fic and much as I do. It's been a wild ride and I created something here I never thought I'd be able to. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. For my next long fic I'll be writing Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert's _It Happened One Night_ It will probably be a couple of months because I want to get the bulk of it done so I can release on a timely schedule :) Plus I am going to be writing a collab Drarry based on Indiana Jones. If any of that appeals to you subscribe and check it out :) Comments and Kudos are cherished and appreciated, but just your presence reading this is an honor in and of itself. 
> 
>  
> 
> ❥ Kristinabird
> 
> P.S. In case you were wondering, when I wrote the first scene with Goldstein, I knew this epilogue would exist. I just really wanted him to get punched It's literally the only reason I wrote an epilogue. ;)


End file.
